What Does Normal Look Like Anyway?

I’ve been back on the ship for just about 4 weeks now. We’re filled up to capacity again with people from around 35 different nations. We have a full hospital, full surgery schedule, and full cabins. Wherever you turn you may find somebody speaking in a different language. It’s fun, different, and stressful.

How do you handle it Michelle? Good question. I’m not really sure. You’d think by now I’d have it all figured out, but I don’t. I struggle with the constant turnover of crew. I find it especially challenging in surgery.

Every Monday, we get new OR staff. Yes. Every single Monday. It’s like travel nursing on steroids. The new people show up. They’re super excited, as one would expect. They’re ready to work hard. They’re happy. And they don’t know anything about who they’ll be working with. Likewise, we don’t know anything about them.

I was telling a nurse from Australia how hard it is to be me in this environment. I’m no good at acting. If I’m happy, it shows. If I’m not happy, it shows. People take one look at me and think I’m angry when I just might be tired or more recently in pain. I have to explain over and over and over who I am. It’s mentally exhausting. It’s also discouraging.

I find myself wondering every single day why I’m here? I don’t think I have anything super special to offer. I’m not a shiny happy person. I’m just a square peg trying to fit into a round hole.

And yet I know God told me to come here. I’ve met some really great people here. I’m living with three of the most awesome girls ever. I feel like the edges of the square are softening. I just keep waiting for my life to feel normal again, routine, stable.

In other news, my back feels better than it has in months. Praise God! I continue the ibuprofen for another week or so as long as my BP stays down. So far so good. Being pain free is definitely helping my disposition too. Thank you for all the prayers! The Lord is listening. 🙂

Feel free to ask me questions in the comments. Sometimes I don’t know what to write about. Ideas friends! I want to know what you want to know. 🙂

His… Michelle
Philippians 1:20

Maybe Not As Weird As I Thought?

As most of you know, I am weird. I’m also a little goofy, well maybe I’m a lot goofy. I’m definitely quirky. I have things that bug me. I have things that make me crazy. Here for your perusal is a list of things weird about me.

I don’t like crowds

I’d rather sit on the end than in the middle

I like to be alone

I don’t like parties. Too many people

I don’t mind talking to a crowd, I just don’t want to meet them

It turns out I like people, I just don’t like meeting them

I told you I’m weird. Or so I thought. Then I found some interesting articles describing introversion. I discovered my weird aversion to crowds is actually a sign of introversion!

It’s not that I am a wallflower or shy or just plain weird, I just need space. In the article about 23 secret signs of being an introvert, I have 18 of the 23 things. Can you guess which ones?

I do take issue with the American Psychiatric Association wanting to classify introversion as a personality disorder though. I mean come on! If they’re going to say I have a personality disorder, they better classify extroversion as a personality disorder too! Extroverts are far more weird than introverts. Seriously, don’t we all have a personality disorder in some form?

I’ll go with who I am. God knows what he was doing. 🙂

Psalm 139:13-14
For you formed my inward parts; you knitted me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well.

His… Michelle
Philippians 1:20

Tell me what you think? Are you an extrovert or an introvert?

receptionist’s log: 3 July 13

So there was a fire on the dock this morning right off the gangway. Forklift. Then there was a fire alarm at around 2:30. Craziness. But wait! There’s more!

After dinner, I ran out to the mall for hair clippers. I took the wrong turn on my way out of the mall and ran into an emergency scene. Young guy, maybe mid 30s to 40 laying on the ground, blood pouring from his nose, eyes open, unresponsive to the mall nurse. Then he had a seizure. Then he went into cardiac arrest. Then they started CPR. I offered to help but they were too focused. It took FOREVER for the ambulance to come.

Why God? Why did I need to take that wrong turn? Why did I have to see that poor poor guy? Does he know you? I sure hope he does because by the look of him, he is on his way out of this life. Oh please save him! i know You can! Please take care of his poor family! And for the love of Spain, make that mall get an AED!!!

I took a cab back to the port. The ship is pretty deserted at this time of day. I have nobody to talk to but you and the Lord. I haven’t seen death in over a year. It’s not pretty. When I finally walked away, I looked up. Hundreds of people were watching the scene. I really hope they were praying too.

Crazy weird day.

His… Michelle
Philippians 1:20