receptionist’s log: night shift edition vol. 2

Tonight is my last night shift for the foreseeable future. Thank God! There’s just something about working overnight that doesn’t agree with me. Perhaps it’s the fact I don’t sleep well at all during the day. Working night shift is like having jet lag without going anywhere!

After reading last night’s blog post, I’m obviously stuck focusing on what’s wrong with me. (It’s the pessimist in me) What’s wrong with me is really what’s wrong with everyone. I am a sinner, first and foremost, looking for some external thing to blame it on. I suppose sinner is the only negative label I should even consider. Instead of focusing on finding an external reason to explain the unexplainable, I should be focusing on how to change. To find a label to put on my problem is to imply no reason to change. The only thing the label does is allow me to make excuses for my behavior.

I’m not the person I could be, but I’m better than I used to be. I need to stop looking back. I need to “press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus”. (Philippians 3:14) I need to remember the people in the Bible who changed, the ones who owned their sin and repented and changed. I don’t want to see my sin and makes excuses. I want to change.

So I’m choosing to change my perspective. Again. Change is good. God is good. Life is good.

His… Michelle
Philippians 1:20

receptionist’s log: night shift edition

There are many reasons one shouldn’t work the night shift. What follows is just one reason.

For the last 2 nights, I’ve been focused on psychiatric disorders. Oh yes. I’ve had episodes of depression over my lifetime. I’ve had visits with therapists and psychiatrists. I’ve had diagnoses. Every time I struggle with mood issues, I try to psychoanalyze myself, which makes me wonder if any of the doctors ever had a clue what was or is wrong with my brain in the first place? Did they diagnose me, or did they go with what I suggested was wrong? They don’t call it practicing medicine without good reason.

Tonight, I found myself wondering just how many psychiatric disorders there are? So I googled it. According to the DSM IV, there are only 250. Seven billion people on the planet with issues, and there are only 250 neat little disorders to pigeonhole people into? How can that be? Is it because most people don’t seek help for their problems? Why do I feel this incessant need to have an explanation for why I am the way I am? Who wants to be labeled anyway? The label implies you’re destined to be the same way all of your life. It just bugs me.

When I ask God why, He doesn’t say anything. Well, that’s not entirely true. His Word says I am a new creation, loved, blessed, adopted, forgiven. When will those labels fully sink in? Why do the world’s labels still matter?

His… Michelle
Philippians 1:20

receptionist’s log: 3 July 13

So there was a fire on the dock this morning right off the gangway. Forklift. Then there was a fire alarm at around 2:30. Craziness. But wait! There’s more!

After dinner, I ran out to the mall for hair clippers. I took the wrong turn on my way out of the mall and ran into an emergency scene. Young guy, maybe mid 30s to 40 laying on the ground, blood pouring from his nose, eyes open, unresponsive to the mall nurse. Then he had a seizure. Then he went into cardiac arrest. Then they started CPR. I offered to help but they were too focused. It took FOREVER for the ambulance to come.

Why God? Why did I need to take that wrong turn? Why did I have to see that poor poor guy? Does he know you? I sure hope he does because by the look of him, he is on his way out of this life. Oh please save him! i know You can! Please take care of his poor family! And for the love of Spain, make that mall get an AED!!!

I took a cab back to the port. The ship is pretty deserted at this time of day. I have nobody to talk to but you and the Lord. I haven’t seen death in over a year. It’s not pretty. When I finally walked away, I looked up. Hundreds of people were watching the scene. I really hope they were praying too.

Crazy weird day.

His… Michelle
Philippians 1:20