The One About The Wrestle

And so it begins. The wrestle. Every work day I wake up, open my eyes, stare at the clock on the microwave. 5am. Do I ride today? Do I keep laying in bed? I wish I could lay in bed, but riding wins today. Riding is good for me. Because of riding I lost a bunch of weight I needed to lose. It gets my brain going. 

The wrestle doesn’t stop there though. It continues as I tell the Lord I don’t want to go to work today. I’m tired of this call to nurse. I’m tired of the bad hours. I’m tired of the pop music I know I’m going to hear for hours in nearly every room I walk into today. I’m tired of the small talk. I’m tired of the rushing. I’m tired of the J O B. But when I’m done writing this post, I’ll jump in the shower, get ready and go.

I wish I had a fun job. I told a co-worker I’m not afraid to be homeless. I’ll camp out for the rest of my life if I have to. I lived in Africa for a year. I am not afraid to be homeless. Please God. Let me be something else. Give me something else to do for you. 

But God keeps waking me up. Get up Michelle. Get up Michelle. Go to work Michelle. I’ll go with you but you have to go. 

The wrestle has been going on for years. Thirty years to be exact. I’ve cried so many tears of fear, anger, and sadness at this thing called nursing, my bottle must be enormous! I cried every single day for the first 5 years I worked in surgery. Yes. You read that correctly. Every. Single. Day. For 5 years. 

So Why do I keep going back? Because somewhere deep deep down in my soul I know I’m not finished. You know? Just like when I told my favorite #1 son we should move to Arizona and deep deep down in my soul I knew it was good and I have this amazing sense of peace. 

So today the Lord wins again. But I’m stubborn like Jacob. I’m gonna keep the wrestle going until I win. It’s just a matter of time. 

Happy week!
Thankful to join Monday MusingsSmall WonderUniteSDG GatheringTell Me A True StoryTuesday at Ten

Advent_December 5_[FMF]_Dear

Sometimes I get to see God orchestrate my day to be exactly where He wants me to be even though no one else sees what I see. He always orchestrates my days. I don’t always have eyes to see. Yesterday I had eyes to see.

I got assigned a urology case which on the surface appeared to be routine, but was anything but.

First, I’m not particularly overjoyed to work with this surgeon. Second, there was a tiny note that the radiologist would be joining us. Third, the routine case needed to be in an open room, not the cysto room. My spidy senses told me something was up.

I went to meet the patient. He was lying in his bed, elderly, looking frail and exhausted, wife sitting close by and protective.

I did my usual greeting, asked my usual list of questions, and sensed fear, anger, and tension as thick as dense fog.

All the players had shown up except the radiologist. The patient’s wife remained very tense. I went to check on the radiologist. He was delayed because he was waiting for his assistant.

I went to report back to the patient’s wife. I thought her head might explode when I gave her the news. I asked her for the story of what happened. I knew there had to be a story.

“Are you kidding me!?”

This dear woman proceeded to tell me a tale of a kidney stone removal gone horribly wrong, tearing her husband’s ureter in half, leading to infection upon infection, 3 more procedures to try to put it back together, leading to pulmonary emboli, leading to a vena cava filter, bringing her dear husband to death’s door, leading to an unexplained cancellation of the 4th procedure earlier in the week, leading to this moment of me standing face to face with this dear woman, looking her straight in her red rimmed eyes as she fought with all her strength not to lose her composure.

I touched her shoulder. I said “I’m sorry. This has been a really hard year for both of you. Can I pray for you?” She respectfully declined saying she had already prayed. I told her I would be praying through the whole procedure.

This was the last attempt to make right what had gone wrong months ago. This was a do or die situation.

Oh dear God, dear God, these doctors can’t do this without you! Please, please, please have mercy on this man and wife. Please let them get this stent in place. Please let this man recover. They just want to go home. They just want things to go back to normal.

The struggle went on for more than an hour. I held my breath as I watched the saline drip from the irrigation. Then suddenly the breakthrough was achieved! The stent was inserted. The fourth time was the charm.

As I ran out of the room to fetch a catheter I shouted in my soul, Thank you Jesus! Dear Jesus! Thank you! Praise you Lord! Thank you Jesus!

And I knew I was meant to be in that room. Even though I don’t enjoy working with that surgeon. Even though it was a case way outside my comfort zone. Even though a dear, exhausted, frightened, angry woman didn’t want me to pray with her.

My dear Lord gave me eyes to see.

His… Michelle
Philippians 1:20

In this Advent season, I am so blessed to witness Jesus come. He came for this man and his wife. Came down and worked a miracle for them in the OR. Came down to work a miracle for all of us by being born to die for us. I sincerely hope you see the blessed miracle in His birth!

Sharing with the crowd at Five Minute Friday.

five minute friday_give

Colossians 3:15-17
15 And let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, to which indeed you were called in one body. And be thankful. 16 Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly, teaching and admonishing one another in all wisdom, singing psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, with thankfulness in your hearts to God. 17 And whatever you do, in word or deed, do everything in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him.

Happy day after Thanksgiving!

I give thanks I was able to go to work and serve my OR by answering the phone, adding cases for today, picking cases for today, and being available in the event of an emergency.

I give thanks that no emergencies arrived between 3pm and 11pm. I give thanks that people were able to be happy and healthy and with their families for at least that brief period of time in my little corner of the world.

I give thanks that I was able to be light and joyful and cheer up my co-worker who accidentally signed up to work on Thanksgiving when she thought she only signed up to be on call.

I give thanks I had a co-worker to keep me company for those 8 hours.

I give thanks for another co-worker who joined us for the free meal the hospital provided, turkey with all the trimmings! I give thanks he joined us because it turns out he has no family or friends and would have been completely alone, but instead he shared in the meal with us!

I give thanks for Jesus! For His life. For His love. For His sacrifice!

I give thanks!

His… Michelle
Philippians 1:20

It’s that time again. Join us at Five Minute Friday! There’s a free advent devotional to download today only! On to Christmas!!!