BuildingCharacter


When you were a child, did you ever wish you could be the girl with braces? Or the girl with glasses? Or the girl with the cast? I did. What’s up with that? I never had the braces. I ended up with the glasses. And tomorrow I’ll get the cast. But now that I’m older and wiser, I’d like to take those wishes back. 

With all this free time on my hands to think, I’ve been contemplating these childhood wishes. I think they came from feeling invisible. I had this love hate relationship with visibility. I wanted to be seen. I wanted to be loved. I wanted to be popular. Yet I was bad at handling the attention. And when the attention was negative? Like when the boys in 6th grade noticed my misshapen left ear and nicknamed me peanut ear? It was all I could do to make myself invisible again. Gosh we can be mean to each other. And sadly, it was the mean things I believed most of all. 

When I met Jesus 11 years ago, I began a journey to visibility again. It’s been a challenging journey. Exchanging the lies for truth. For believing what God has to say about me instead of people. It’s been a slow journey too. But I’m happy to report that now I believe truth more than lies. And this comes from knowing I am loved by the Creator of the universe who came looking for me when I was hopelessly lost. I was never invisible to him. 

Having a broken ankle isn’t fun and it makes me visible. I really want to handle the attention well so that it brings God glory. Because he deserves the glory. He was with me on that mountain. He caught me when I fell. He rescued me through the amazing volunteers from Pinal County. He blessed me with a free helicopter ride. He took care of me in surgery by giving the surgeon the tools necessary to put my ankle back together. He provided the facility to have surgery. He made sure my team was the team with the most compassion. He placed my cat in my lap as a constant comfort, as if he is holding me himself. He has been in every detail of this journey from the beginning. How marvelous! How wonderful! Is the Lord to me!

3 We also have joy with our troubles, because we know that these troubles produce patience. 4 And patience produces character, and character produces hope. (‭Romans‬ ‭5‬:‭3-4‬ NCV)

Happy Wednesday!

WrongAnswer


“Do you want to see the xray?” I could hear the result in her tone of voice. My heart sank as I went around the corner to look at the pictures. Bimalleolar fracture. I broke down and cried again as I thought of the ramifications.  All I could see was  all the work I would miss. How would any of this be okay?
“I’m no expert in ortho, but I think that’s going to need surgery.” Is the last thing you want to hear when you just want this all to be a bad dream you’re about to awaken from. I refused to believe that PA. He said it himself, he’s no expert. 

One boot, a set of crutches, and a DVD with digital images later, I was on my way to the grocery store with my favorite #1son. I sat in the car contemplating my next move while he ran into the store for supplies. I texted my OR manager. She called me with the phone number for the ortho doc who specializes is ankles. We work with him. She encouraged me to take things one day at a time, to try not to worry. The rest of the weekend went by in a blur. 

Except for the second guessing:

  • Would hiking boots have made a difference? I wear trail runners. 
  • Would hiking poles have kept me on my feet? I left them in the car. 
  • Was I hiking too fast? I don’t think so. 
  • Am I just too old for this kind of trail? I see loads of hikers older than me on this trail so I don’t think so. 

When life throws you a broken ankle, sit still and rest and wait patiently for the surgeon’s office to open so you can make an appointment. 

To be continued…

Happy Tuesday!

Thankful_November27_December3


2786 | 100 | A week of physical and emotional pain. Surgery. Hard goodbyes. Encouragement and love. Generosity. So so thankful!

11•27
2002. 17 The LORD your God is with you; the mighty One will save you. He will rejoice over you. You will rest in his love; he will sing and be joyful about you.” (‭Zephaniah‬ ‭3‬:‭17‬ NCV) Dear God, thank you for being with me on the mountain Friday, for catching me before I fell off. Thank you for the rescue workers, the helicopter, all the hikers who offered to help, my favorite sons who helped me stay calm and focused. Lord I don’t know what will happen next, but I know you know and will make a way for all of this to be good. Please keep reminding me to look to you. Thank you for all of it! Jesus!
2003. Adding a chair to the kitchen to be near food and water and coffee ☕️. Especially coffee ☕️.
2004. Figuring out how the air cast works and how it makes a great shin guard for pushing stuff around.

11•28
2005. 7 Keep your roots deep in him and have your lives built on him. Be strong in the faith, just as you were taught, and always be thankful. (‭Colossians‬ ‭2‬:‭7‬ NCV) Dear God, I am fearful. Again. Sitting here thinking of all the what ifs as if I can change anything by worrying. I’ve forgotten how to keep my eyes fixed on you. How? Just when I start feeling relieved because work is going to pick up, I fall and break my ankle!? How will this ever be okay? What now? I need you Lord!
2006. For the prayers and encouragement of all my friends and family.
2007. Appointment tomorrow at 11 and the surgery center I work at will help me get back to work ASAP.

11•29
2008. 7 Give all your worries to him, because he cares about you. (‭1 Peter‬ ‭5‬:‭7‬ NCV) Dear God, every encouraging word out of every friend’s mouth has been the same, “take it one day at a time.” Every word out of your mouth has been to stop worrying. I have been focused on the wrong thing, the hard thing, the impossible thing, trying to will my life in the way it should go instead of trusting your plan. I’m sorry Lord. Please let me repent from this worry and turn back to you. I’m laying it down. It’s too heavy for me. It was never mine to carry. Thank you Lord for shouting to me in my distress! Thank you for never giving up on me! Your will be done. Amen.
2009. “Refuse self-pity. Refuse it absolutely. It is a deadly thing with power to destroy you. Turn your thoughts to Christ who has already carried your griefs and sorrows.” Elisabeth Elliot | faith says, “I trust You even though I don’t understand.” John Bevere
2010. Surgical plan in place. Hand me down kneeling wheely scooter 🏍. Seeing the light at the end of the tunnel.

11•30
2011. 6 Be strong and brave. Don’t be afraid of them and don’t be frightened, because the LORD your God will go with you. He will not leave you or forget you.” (‭Deuteronomy‬ ‭31‬:‭6‬ NCV)
2012. I can see my breath today!
2013. 👈🏼 because 13. And the surgery center called to say I should bring $4502 with me on Friday until I reminded them I work there and he apologized for the mixup and said never mind!

12•1
2014. 14 The Lord himself will give you a sign: The virgin will be pregnant. She will have a son, and she will name him Immanuel. (‭Isaiah‬ ‭7‬:‭14‬ NCV) Dear God, I have no idea how this broken ankle thing will play out. Is there a reason this happened? Am I doing something wrong? Going the wrong way? Too independent? Please help me understand. Please help me be like Mary, simply trusting you no matter how things look. Thank you Lord for Mary’s yes to you because her yes brought us Jesus. Help me rest in your arms. Help me figure out how to live through this because it still seems impossible. Amen.
2015. Crutches and knee scooters.
2016. 👈🏼 The year I learned how to be generous with my life.

12•2
2017. 7 We live by what we believe, not by what we can see. (‭2 Corinthians‬ ‭5‬:‭7‬ NCV) Dear God, I’m feeling anxious today. Not about surgery, about how this can all possibly have a good outcome, about how I’m going to get through this with my sanity intact. Help me believe. Help me have faith in the unseen things. You are a good Father. You know everything I need. Forgive me for being afraid. Forgive me for forgetting to pray for safety. I feel like this is all my fault. I don’t think I was careless, but I broke my ankle!? Please fill me with peace. Help me release this burden to you. I need a hug Lord. Amen.
2018. Popliteal block. Even though my foot feels really weird.
2019. The wonderful care of all the people at my surgery center!

12•3
2020. 22 I have swept away your sins like a big cloud; I have removed your sins like a cloud that disappears into the air. Come back to me because I saved you.” (‭Isaiah‬ ‭44‬:‭22‬ NCV) Dear God, thank you for November. For all of it. Good and hard. For gifting me a whole month with both of my favorite people. It’s gone by too fast 💨 but I wouldn’t change a thing! I’m so blessed to love so much that saying goodbye to my favorite #2son will be so hard. It means my heart is alive. I will rejoice in your goodness. Thank you Father! Amen.
2021. 30 hours post op and the pain is mostly under control.
2022. “How lucky am I to have something that makes saying goodbye so hard.” Winnie the Pooh | after spending almost 5 weeks with us, my favorite #2son went home 🏡.

Happy Sunday!