“Just let it go.” That’s what people say about stuff from the past usually related to poor choices and mistakes. It’s what I say. You can’t change the past. It is what it is. But “just let it go” is way easier said than done.
Yet, to live in the Kingdom of heaven means unconditional surrender, it means I have to live a “let it go” way now. I want to live a “let it go” way, but how? Who I am now is a new creation living in the old wine skin of who I used to be. Who I used to be was influenced by multiple people and events that have taken place over a lifetime. Why do I hold fast so hard to who I used to be?
A couple of months ago, I decided to seek counseling to find out. I’ve tried this multiple times over the years without much fruit to show for it, mainly because it is really hard. I so don’t want to relive the past. There is a lot of heartache going back there. But I’m really tired of the past influencing the now. I’m tired of reacting to life in the same way that I did then. I’m tired of the old me getting in the way of the new me. I’m tired of running away when things get hard and/or scary.
I want to be all in. I want to love and be loved fully, not holding people at arms length because of this crazy fear of heartbreak, because of what might happen. My strong need for self preservation is getting in the way of unconditional love and unconditional surrender. It’s like a sinking ship. I’m hanging onto the railing of the bow all the while the Lord is trying to pry open my frozen grip to save me before I drown.
Oh I want to be saved! I choose unconditional surrender. Whatever it takes. Even a hard, scary trip down memory lane. I want to be whole.
‘ Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me.’ Psalms 23:4
I just spent the last 4 days backpacking on the Appalachian Trail in the North Carolina wilderness. I had the best time! It was challenging and invigorating. I am so very thankful that I had the chance to do something that I love so much! But you know what the best part about it is? God knew. God knew because he formed me in my mother’s womb. He knew me before I was even born. He created me this way.
“Your eyes saw my unformed substance; in your book were written, every one of them, the days that were formed for me, when as yet there was none of them.” Psalms 139:16 ESV
This is incredible to me Lord. You’ve written the story of my life, like a novel. You know the beginning and you know the end. I imagine you sitting on your throne with Jesus at your right hand, the Holy Spirit in your midst, saying, “Oh! This next part coming is going to be so good! Michelle is going to finally cry out to me for salvation! Won’t the angels rejoice!? I knew this day was coming!”
Ever since that day of salvation, my life went from black and white, ho hum, to brilliant technicolor adventure! Like BOOM 💥! Instant joy!
May the people who read this blog find you the way I have. May they find the BOOM 💥 the way I have! Let this be their day of salvation! Thank you Lord! A trillion thanks! I love you!
When I dreamed about moving to Arizona 30 years ago, I never imagined how much I would love it here. Never could have dreamed how much better it was.
Soon after arriving, I rediscovered hiking. Fun hiking. Up and down over mountains hiking. Then I discovered backpacking. The first trip was an epic disaster, or at least it felt like it to my catastrophizing mind. I’m so thankful for the friend who told me not to give up on backpacking yet. She encouraged me to update my gear and try again. Boy am I glad I took her advice!
6 backpacking trips later, I am loving it more and more! Backpacking has increased my faith so much. Of the last 6 trips, I’ve gone out alone 5 times. Why? I like going out alone. I see the Lord work so clearly when I go out alone. He’s a good good Father. He answers my prayers specifically each time. For a water source. For a campsite. For animal sitings. For people to show up when I need a little help over an obstacle. His creation is magnificent and I do believe proclaims the glory of the Lord!
So yeah. Backpacking. Give it a try. You may just fall in love with the Lord even more. I know I have!
Happy Sunday! 😁