transformed by renewing my mind_day 22

Maybe this medication was making me feel worse because it was overtreating my symptoms?

Maybe it’s time for me to be okay with not being okay again?

I am very disappointed in the way this whole thing has progressed, disappointed in the doctor, disappointed in the medication.

The worst thing about this particular med is it made me feel like another person. I have not been myself at all. And for what?

I am highly sensitive, introverted, moody, anxious. But the only thing that has really been affecting my life really negatively lately is the anxiety. So why did she think it was a good idea to treat me with an atypical antipsychotic?

This doctor truly let me down. From not returning phone calls to giving advice like “Well cut the dose in half for a few days then stop taking it and if you would like to try something else schedule an appointment.” Can you say “unconcerned” with me?

Meh.

Being a healthcare professional myself, I say this all the time – they don’t call it practicing medicine for no reason.

Anyway, I’m really tired of all the complaining I’ve been doing this month, really tired of trying to fix myself when I need to fix my eyes on Jesus, be forever grateful for who He is, what He’s done, what He continues to do for me! So that’s enough of that! Onward Christian soldiers!

His… Michelle
Philippians 1:20

This is day 22 of #Write31Days. Also sharing with the #TellHisStory crowd.

All posts can be found here.

transformed by renewing my mind_day 21

It’s a good news/bad news situation.

The good news? I’m going to stop taking this dreadful medication and start from scratch.

The bad news? I’m going to stop taking this dreadful medication and start from scratch.

It’s a win win in my book. I can’t take one more day of feeling the way I’ve been feeling. I was swirling down the drain faster and faster as each day passed.

I’m even optimistic that what little good this medicine did will remain and I’ll feel better and better. Who knows, maybe it gave my brain the reboot it needed and I’ll feel great for awhile?

At least I know what kind of person I am when I’m drug free. Awake, alert, oriented. Even on my lowest days, I held onto Jesus and knew it wouldn’t last.

I guess the saga of my poor brain continues for now.

Back to the drawing board!

His… Michelle
Philippians 1:20

This is day 21 of #Write31Days. Also sharing at SDG Gathering and Salt+Light.

All posts can be found here.

transformed by renewing my mind_day 20

I miss joy. I miss excitement. I miss contentment.

I don’t feel like doing anything. Everyday, I seem to be dragging myself through the motions of life.

When will it end?

How long will this keep going on?

I feel so blah.

I’m so tempted to stop taking this medication, to go back to the extreme emotions of before just so I can feel something other than this.

But I don’t miss the pressure build up in my brain that makes me feel like my head might explode. I don’t miss freaking out over normal daily stresses of my job and life. I don’t miss waking up multiple times at night to look at the clock.

Maybe I’m overreacting? Maybe I need to call the doctor this week and see if she can add a little something else to this prescription cocktail? Or maybe I should just go back to being my unmedicated, crazy self, good, bad, and ugly?

I’m starting to wonder if there is really any hope for my poor brain.

His… Michelle
Philippians 1:20

This is day 20 of #Write31Days.

All posts can be found here.