communication breakdown

I seriously wish I could figure out how to navigate the world of parenting adult children.

I used to have such open communication with my younger boy. He used to tell me everything. I mean even stuff I didn’t want to know, delicate things a boy should only tell his dad. Sadly, his dad disappeared from his life many years ago. So I was his only go to parent.

I don’t think ours was a healthy relationship. He relied on me for certain things. I relied on him for certain things.

When he moved away to go to school and start his life, we had a major communication breakdown.

Phone calls are no longer fun. All of a sudden the openness is gone, replaced by uncomfortable, awkward silences where I ask are you there?

He tells me he doesn’t like to tell me hard things anymore because I cry. He hates when I cry. I tell him I cry because that’s just the way my brain works.

I tell him I hate telling him hard things because he goes silent. Silence for me = rejection. It’s what my mom used to do. This leads to me harping, nagging, begging for a sign of life, anything to let me know he still loves me despite my massive flaws.

And so it goes. In my mind, it all blows up into a catastrophic mess. Fear of rejection leads me to jump through any hoop put in front of me.

I need to change.

Insanity is doing the same thing over and over, expecting a different outcome. Said by someone.

Had my first counseling session yesterday. Trusting God to make all things new.

His… Michelle
Philippians1:20

Linking with Lyli @3dlessons4life.

About that tax bill

The Lord says if I have faith to move mountains I can move mountains. I had that kind of faith one time.

It was 2005. I was a brand new Jesus follower with eyes to see and ears to hear.

But I was a heavy drinker. I was drinking like 16oz of rum with a splash of diet coke everyday. Yes. Every. Single. Day.

The thing is though, I didn’t want to drink anymore. Hadn’t wanted to drink for like 2 years by then. But I was addicted.

Three weeks after asking the Lord to save me, I got to the end of yet one more bottle of rum. But this time? I cried out to the Lord to make it stop, this need, this addiction. Please God, get me through this one night without alcohol. I just know it’ll be finished. I can’t make it stop but you can!

The next morning I felt free! The weight of the world lifted off my shoulders! I never needed a drink again after this! Praise the Lord!!!

I had faith to move a mountain that night and the mountain was thrown into the sea.

My most recent mountain was the IRS. Emphasis on was! They were trying to get me to pay a tax bill I didn’t owe because I company I worked for reported income I didn’t earn. A lot of income.

At first, I was terrified! But soon realized I was in the right and that the Lord word fight the battle for me. So I cried out to him again. I can’t fix this problem with the IRS God, but I know you can! And fix it he did! Praise and glory to God!!!

And so life goes. And I add this answered prayer to my book of answered prayers so when I don’t have faith to move mountains, which happens more often than not, I can look back and remember.

When I remember the goodness of God and all he’s brought me through I will have strength to keep running the race.

It’s all circular. God is good all the time.

His… Michelle
Philippians1:20

that’ll do

So the story goes like this

There was a guy caught in his house during a flood. As the waters rose, he climbed onto his roof. He cried out to the Lord to rescue him.

Pretty soon a man came along in a rowboat. Jump in! I’ll rescue you! No. No. I’m waiting for the Lord to rescue me.

The waters continued to rise. The guy climbed up to the roof peak. He cried out to the Lord to rescue him.

Pretty soon a man in a speedboat came along. Jump in! I’ll rescue you! No. No. I’m waiting for the Lord to rescue me.

The waters continued to rise. The guy climbed up to the top of the chimney. He cried out to the Lord to rescue him.

Pretty soon a man in a helicopter came along. He lowered a ladder to the guy. Climb the ladder! I’ll rescue you! No. No. I’m waiting for the Lord to rescue me.

The waters continued to rise. The guy was swept away in the floodwaters and drowned.

When he arrived in heaven and stood before the Lord he asked, Lord! I cried out to you over and over for you to rescue me! Why did you leave me stranded!?

The Lord replied, Oh foolish son of mine, I sent you two boats and a helicopter. What more could you want?

I think I might be this guy, missing the rescue, not seeing the forest for the trees or the trees for the forest. Whatever. The point is I do not want to be this guy. The words of Arthur H Hoggett to Babe ring in my ears, That’ll do pig, that’ll do.

His… Michelle
Philippians1:20