Trust. It’s a very hard thing to be generous with trust.
By the time I met Jesus, I could probably count on one hand the people I trusted. And then I don’t think I trusted more than 3 completely.
Life has a way of beating you up. People hurt you all the time. I lost my faith in the goodness of mankind and along with it my trust in God. If he could allow this amount of pain, how could anyone ever trust him?
Since Jesus, it’s been a long slow climb up a mountain to trusting again. Every trial, every bump in the road, every missed opportunity, every closed door, every sickness, everything I want to control but cannot, is just one more thing to help me regain my trust in God. To decide if I will praise him no matter the outcome.
I thought I had the rest of the year all figured out. I thought I’d stay at this job in Tucson for 13 more weeks. The manager enthusiastically said yes one day. But 2 days later said the corporation said no. What gives God!?
My first reaction was my knee jerk before Jesus reaction of tears and the sky is falling and woe is me. But it only lasted minutes as my brain quickly jumped to God on his throne, behind the scenes, maneuvering and planning. And I decided more quickly than ever to trust God with the next thing.
Generous trust in God. Progress.
Sharing with my friend Lyli.
I’m so thankful I can incorporate my one word, thankful, into my favorite Friday activity – Five Minute Friday, which I confess takes longer than five minutes for me to compose because I’m a
deep slow thinker, but only takes five minutes to read. That counts, right?
Plus! In the month of October, we are doing things with a twist by participating in write 31 days. But wait! That’s not all! I’m also writing around my life as a nurse! Good times!
This week, the word is trust.
Would you trust me? You don’t even know me. You just met me under less than ideal circumstances. You are sick, injured, traumatized. You do not know if I am a good nurse. You do not know if I had a good college GPA. Shoot, you do not know if I had any education at all.
Put yourself in her shoes, the one who rolled her car on the freeway because she was still drunk from last night, swerving at another vehicle because of road rage, not injured beyond a fractured leg and a bruised chest because she was not wearing her seatbelt, eyes wild with fear, giant tears falling because she messed up again. I take her hand in mine.
Trust me. This is going to hurt, but you will get through it. Trust me. You will not be alone for one minute of your surgery. Trust me. Jesus is my best friend. He will be with you and He will make sure I do a good job. I know we just met, but trust me.
This is day 9 of 31 days of five minute free writes. Be sure to head over to Kate’s blog to participate or read along or both.
Does this motherhood thing ever stop? I’m not talking about the physical aspect. Fact: I gave birth to 2 boys, one in 1985, the other in 1991. I know I’ll always be a mother. But when do I, as a human being, stop trying to control or fix their lives? Does that ever go away? Have I completely surrendered them to the Lord? I think I have. But when they tell me stuff, the wheels in my brain start turning. How will they accomplish that, solve that, fix that?
I suppose what I’m feeling is like phantom limb pain? Phantom limb pain occurs after an individual loses an arm or a leg. Though the limb is gone, the nerves that caused it to feel pain, touch, heat, cold, still exist above the limb that they served. They just become dead ended.
Me and my kids have been separated by adulthood, but when they have problems, my instinct, like so many dead ended nerves, kicks in and I want to solve their problems or fix things.
Thankfully, because of my trust in the Lord, my typical response of worry and anxiety is getting less and less. I know God has a plan. I know He is the one who will lead them and guide them and care for them. I’ve left them in good hands with Him. I only need to sit back now and watch with wonder and awe as He works in their lives. For the little kid to grow as a man after God’s heart. And for the big kid to have his blindness taken away to discover God has been with him from the very beginning.
I pray now for God to help me rest easy about where they’re going, to help me have peace because He is with them.
Linking up with Naomi @whatjoyismine for Monday’s musings.
Sunrise off the pier by my place. Taken with my iPhone 5c.