The One About Identity Theft, Anger, And Crashing

Last Friday, I got called into the office to see if I filed for unemployment. Yes. No. I’m not unemployed? Somebody has stolen my identity to get unemployment of all things. Um. Hello?

How completely aggravating. I’m still reporting the crime to various agencies. And of course, being the optimist I am, I’ve been in a menacingly foul mood ever since. These incidents always send me back into my default mode of anger.

The anger leads to bitterness. The bitterness leads to meanness. Pretty soon I’m just outright hating on others, picking up rocks to stone them in that horrible way of self-righteousness that leads to a crash.

The anger always leads to self destruction. I am my own worst enemy. I hate the anger. I hate what I let it do to me.

I end up being mean and snarky to co-workers. I end up being hypercritical of the management. I end up feeling entitled to getting my way when I want it, imagining stomping my feet like a child, overreacting to the smallest requests. And then I get even angrier when the management rebukes me for my obvious outburst, as if it’s their fault I act like such a fool?

I am such a miserable wretch. I cry and cry to God. I beg him to take it away. I think I’m sincere about giving it to him. But it turns out I’m not because it returns almost as quickly as I give it to him.

On my bike ride this morning I realized instead of hating on the people who are only trying to do their jobs to the best of their abilities, I should be praying for them. It’s much harder to throw stones at people when you are praying for them to be blessed.

In the process of praying for them I didn’t realize the palm frond in the road would turn out to be such a hazard. I ended up half crashing, being flung off the bike onto my feet, working so hard to not actually crash, I ended up pulling something really hard behind my right knee.

But hey. I learned some valuable lessons. Someone might be able to steal my legal identity and inconvenience me, but no one can ever steal my identity in Christ. Praying for people makes me stop being angry at them for no good reason whatsoever.

I am so thankful God doesn’t dish out punishment the way I always want to dish it out.

And now I am going to reboot my hard drive and try again.

Thankful to join 3DLessons4Life, #TellHisStory, Three Word Wednesday

042914

Angry at her own predicament, someone tried to throw me under the bus today.

It hurt my feelings. I have been angry about it off and on throughout the day.

I want to disclose all the details.

But the Holy Spirit keeps saying Forgive her. She doesn’t know what she’s doing.

In my imagination I stomp my foot and say Not fair!

But the Holy Spirit just says it again.

People!

His… Michelle
Philippians1:20

wysiwyg

I woke up sad today. There is no apparent reason for this sadness. I have struggled with melancholy all my life. It is one of the things about my character I dislike, even hate, a lot. I have no control over my moods. And when the sadness strikes, I can’t hide it. I’ve tried. I’m not an actor. Oh how I pray I were. I HATE being so exposed. I HATE that people I don’t know can see me so clearly. This is a problem I don’t know how to deal with here, living in community. I look around and see other people carrying on, consistently happy. Why can’t I be like them? This is clearly a weight I need to give to the Lord. I just can’t seem to figure out how?

In other news, we had ukulele club on the beach tonight. We went to this awesome place called Chaka Waka. It’s in a caravan like the ones you see at the carnival. We had so much fun and drew a Guinean crowd. Now, playing my ukulele, singing I’ll Fly Away Oh Glory, makes me happy. 🙂

Love… Michelle
Philippians 1:20

20130515-212857.jpg