June_18

The stuff I’m thinking about today :

  • I am driven by my emotions. I wish I weren’t.
  • If I could choose any super power, I would choose two — invisibility and the power to shut off all sounds of humanity.
  • If I could choose to be any person in the Bible, I would choose to be John the Baptist. Because he was set apart, lived in the wilderness, prepared the way of the Lord.
  • I really like to be alone. It bothers my favorite sons. They don’t understand me. I’m okay with that.
  • I travel through life with a deep desire to help people without wanting anything in return.
  • I’m nicer to strangers than people I know.
  • I hate being angry. It is the most painful of all emotions.
  • I am angry way too much.
  • You cannot be my friend if you cannot accept me as I am. I’m too tired to be who you want me to be.
  • You cannot be my friend if you want me to pretend.
  • I am a fearful person, but not of ordinary things like heights, spiders, needles, crossing bridges, flying. I’m terrified to let people know me.
  • I am very suspicious of people who always seem happy.
  • If I think you don’t like me, if you give off a vibe that I’m annoying you, if you roll your eyes at me because you think I’m ridiculous, if you laugh at me, if you make me the butt of the joke, I will walk away from you and not look back once.
  • I own my screw ups. You might have to tell me what they are because I’m not always able to see them, but when I do, I own them. I don’t make excuses, I don’t blame others, I own them.
  • If I do something to offend you and I know it, I own what I’ve done. I apologize. I’m not perfect.
  • I will not beg you to forgive me.
  • I have to forgive people over and over and over.
  • If I disappear into the wilderness, don’t be sad or worried, I will have chosen the wilderness.
  • I’m too weird for most people.
  • I need to figure out how to be okay with myself because the Lord made me and he says I am fearfully and wonderfully made. I do believe him.

Happy Thursday!

Thankful to link up with Lyli.

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June_11

“The madman jumped into their midst and pierced them with his eyes. ‘Whither is God,’ he cried; ‘I will tell you. We have killed him—you and I! All of us are his murderers…Do we not feel the breath of empty space? Has it not become colder?…Do we smell nothing as yet of the divine decomposition? Gods, too, decompose. God is dead. God remains dead. And we have killed him.’” Friedrich Nietzsche, The Gay Science

March_3_1980 is the day I murdered God, the day I believed he murdered my dad. It was the worst/best day of my life.

Clearly, I didn’t actually murder God. And he didn’t actually murder my dad. But in order for me to meet the real, actual One true God, my very small idea of him had to die. The god I believed in in 1980 was far too small to be the one who knew me before I was born. That god couldn’t save my dad or kill my dad because he wasn’t real. I’m glad that god died. His death meant I could meet the One true God 26 years later.

26 years may seem like a really long time to you, but I can say now, 10 years into knowing him, it was worth it. Every single event. Every single trial. Every single heartache. That road through the wilderness led me to to the cross.

I am so thankful.

I’m also thankful to link up with Lyli and Jennifer.

Happy Thursday!

Thankful_February 5

The secret of turning sorrow into joy? Thankfulness. It’s my word for 2015.

106. Discovering a new and improved route to work that is easier, safer, and faster via my favorite little scooter buddy.

107. Being a descendant of gnomes allows me to squeeze onto the elevator with the giant ESWL machine and its driver.

IMG_5210

108. Walking out in the morning, the sky covered by clouds full of rain, no wind blowing at all, encouraging me to ride my bike far and fast. Making it halfway before the skies open up, pouring down refreshing rain, coaxing me to ride even faster until I arrive home soaking wet, safe, and exhilarated.

Happy Thursday!

Thankful to join Thought Provoking Thursdays