Thankful_January 14

I’m spending a year writing about being thankful. It’s my word for 2015. I don’t want to focus on the negative anymore. It’s too life draining. So yeah. Thankful.

3 Startling Graces of God

40. My mother just had both her knees replaced. On the same day. I can tell you as a surgical nurse this is a crazy BIG surgery. It’s painful. It’s hard. She’s in Pennsylvania. I’m in Florida. (I’m heading up this weekend to visit) So when I got the text from my sister that read Call me!!!!! I got more than a little freaked out. Imagine my thankful relief to find out my sister was just freaking out about drug induced hallucinations. It hit me in that moment, this startling grace. I only have one mom. For all my complaints about her lacking qualities, I only have one mom. She is a gift!

41. I woke up today. Despite all I get wrong on a daily basis. I woke up today. When I can’t see where this life is going, God sees. He must have a plan because I woke up today.

42. When I think about where my life could have gone, the nights of drunkenness, going home from bars with strangers, selfishly letting my kids fend for themselves because I wanted time for me. My little family was so destined to fall apart for my ruining devices. But God. In his merciful grace saved me! Redeemed all my ruinous schemes. Kept my little family together. Keeps us together to this day. Not just grace. Amazing Grace!

His… Michelle
Philippians 1:20

Thankful to share with #TellHisStory

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I will not drown

When I gave my heart to Jesus 9 years ago, I couldn’t wait to dive head first into the Bible.

For some odd reason 😉 I didn’t choose to start at the beginning.

Before I believed god existed, I had tried to read the bible from the beginning on many different occasions with smashing failures. I’d get only a few chapters into Genesis and quickly lose interest. Or I’d read a bit of Revelation and become terrified.

So which book did I choose first?

Job.

I know, right?

But you know what? God knew exactly what He was doing. He’s clever like that.

After spending 26 years shaking my fist at Him, 26 years cursing Him, 26 years trying to figure out if He was even real, it was absolutely, unequivocally, imperative I read Job.

Have you read it? If you have, you know what I’m going to say next.

I got to the end of that book. I was thoroughly humbled, on my face crying, thanking God for saving a wretch like me.

Like Job, I had only ever heard about God. Like Job, I finally got to see Him face to face.

This last year has been a tough one. I’ve been transitioning back into USA normal, depressed for months, holed up, anxious, dealing with the past I didn’t think I’d ever need to deal with again.

But I want you to know, I know my Redeemer lives. I have hope. I will not drown because my God is with me. My clay jar is being re-filled as we speak. Do you see the Light pouring out through the cracks? I hope so. Because He is good.

Isaiah 43:2
When you pass through the waters, I will be with you;
and through the rivers, they shall not overwhelm you;
when you walk through fire you shall not be burned,
and the flame shall not consume you.

His… Michelle
Philippians1:20

Linking with Jennifer Dukes Lee 4 #TellHisStory.

the struggle with happiness

I struggle with happiness. Wait. What? This phrase is a paradox. But hear me out.

I’ve been in a really good mood for a couple of weeks now, handling life, work, kids, stress at as high a coping level as I ever seem to muster.

The struggle with happiness comes with the thinking. I’m a thinker. I think entirely too much, analyze, dissect, examine things way too closely for my own sanity.

The struggle with happiness leads me to thinking I’m a-okay, and really I am a-okay even when I’m in a bad mood because the Lord is for me, loves me, holds me, protects me.

But there are all these skeletons buried in my closet. This closet needs opening and cleaning out so much because it’s explosively full, like the ones you see in movies that hold all the junk of an entire house precariously balanced in just the right way that if anyone even thinks about opening the door, the closet will vomit out all the stuff that was so carefully balanced inside it to begin with. That’s what my closet looks like.

The struggle with happiness makes me want to walk away from the skeleton closet, go about my daily routine pretending it’s not there, ignoring the door as I flit back and forth past it as I run from this fun event to the next fun event because I’m happy today, why stir up trouble?

The struggle with happiness has me rationalizing the wisdom of spending money for counseling. I’m fine. What do I need that for when that money could go to something else?

The struggle with happiness has me dragging myself to said counselor, turning off the little voice in my head that says I’m fine, why bother and choosing to listen to the Voice that says it’s time to deal with that messy skeleton closet once and for all because the closet is still there waiting to burst open at the slightest hint of a breeze.

But the struggle exists nevertheless.

His… Michelle
Philippians1:20

Linking with Jennifer Dukes Lee for #tellhisstory.