this thing called motherhood

Does this motherhood thing ever stop? I’m not talking about the physical aspect. Fact: I gave birth to 2 boys, one in 1985, the other in 1991. I know I’ll always be a mother. But when do I, as a human being, stop trying to control or fix their lives? Does that ever go away? Have I completely surrendered them to the Lord? I think I have. But when they tell me stuff, the wheels in my brain start turning. How will they accomplish that, solve that, fix that?

I suppose what I’m feeling is like phantom limb pain? Phantom limb pain occurs after an individual loses an arm or a leg. Though the limb is gone, the nerves that caused it to feel pain, touch, heat, cold, still exist above the limb that they served. They just become dead ended.

Me and my kids have been separated by adulthood, but when they have problems, my instinct, like so many dead ended nerves, kicks in and I want to solve their problems or fix things.

Thankfully, because of my trust in the Lord, my typical response of worry and anxiety is getting less and less. I know God has a plan. I know He is the one who will lead them and guide them and care for them. I’ve left them in good hands with Him. I only need to sit back now and watch with wonder and awe as He works in their lives. For the little kid to grow as a man after God’s heart. And for the big kid to have his blindness taken away to discover God has been with him from the very beginning.

I pray now for God to help me rest easy about where they’re going, to help me have peace because He is with them.

His… Michelle
Philippians1:20

Linking up with Naomi @whatjoyismine for Monday’s musings.

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Sunrise off the pier by my place. Taken with my iPhone 5c.

Five Minute Friday: She

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Write for five minutes. Then share over @thegypsymama.

The word this week is she.

GO

She was born during the depression. Her parents were very poor and had 4 other girls to feed. She got sent away to live with an uncle who had the ability to feed her. She thought her parents loved her, but being sent away feels like abandonment no matter what you tell yourself.

When she came home, she lived with her family in a rundown house. She had no indoor plumbing until she was a teenager.

Her father was a frightening figure, prone to drunkeness. He wasn’t a happy drunk, threatening to explode at every turn. She was strong willed and defiant, not willing to let him push her around while her mother would look on.

She had an instinct to protect the ones she loved, taking care of her sisters, buying them gifts.

She married young to escape her father’s house. She said, If I don’t get married now, I might kill him.

When I ask about her childhood, she laughs about it. But this childhood shaped her. She raised 3 children of her own based on what she learned. She didn’t do a perfect job, but she did the best she could. She was not particularly affectionate, but she took care of her children very well. She didn’t harm her children the way she was harmed as a child. And that’s so worth something.

She is my mother.

STOP

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His… Michelle
Philippians 1:20