Generous_September1

I hold no illusions about my sinfulness. I am so sinful I can’t even understand how sinful I am. Everyday, I start out with the best intentions to be holy and pleasing to the Lord. Then I walk out the front door and get in my car and start yelling at all the other lousy drivers on the road. I get to work and compose myself again, put on the professional mask and head inside. Then I’m bombarded with all the people who don’t know Jesus and allow myself to get sucked into the gossip and back biting. As the day goes on it only gets worse. I get hangry. I get grumpier with each passing minute. I get self absorbed and demanding because I don’t want to work with certain people. 

Ahhhh! This is my confession and my cry for help to the Lord to save me from myself before someone gets hurt. I can only fall on my face and beg God for forgiveness and thank God for his mercy!!!

“The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately sick; who can understand it?” ‭‭Jeremiah‬ ‭17:9‬ ‭ESV‬‬

This scripture is more true than I can possibly understand. Lately, I am the opposite of generous

Happy? Thursday. 

Sharing with Lyli.

June_17

Things I’ve learned while riding my bicycle :

  • People are really mean and hateful when they can do it on a hit and run basis. They can scream at you, call you names, tell you they’re right and you’re wrong, try to enforce the traffic laws when they don’t even know the traffic laws, get so close to you they almost run you over they’re so hell bent on making sure you know how wrong you are.
  • I am people.

I was riding along on the beach road, minding my own business, when an SUV got so close to me, I yelled for them to move over. Florida law is to give cyclists 3 feet of room. I was riding with traffic, also Florida law. The woman driving the SUV proceeds to yell at me for riding all the wrong way, not stopping at stop signs ( I admit I don’t stop, I yield and if a police officer wanted to give me a ticket, I’m sure he’d be right and I’d be wrong ). As she yelled at me, she got closer and closer to me with her giant SUV, so angry she was willing to risk running me over and killing me! She would have gone to jail for the rest of her life because she was right and I was wrong! I was assaulted by a stranger. I was so angry!

Treat others the same way you want them to treat you. (‭Luke‬ ‭6‬:‭31‬ NASB)

Then it happened. One of those “thus says the Lord” moments.

If possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all. (‭Romans‬ ‭12‬:‭18‬ ESV)

I have not been living peaceably with all. At. All.

I have been living like a self righteous jerk for awhile now. I don’t even know how long? At least since I decided to move to Arizona. So 4 months?

There’s the cute blonde running girl I see every week in the morning on my rides who doesn’t follow any of the rules of road etiquette. Three of the last four times I’ve screamed at her, assaulting her with why she’s wrong and I’m right. I even nicknamed her “my nemesis”. Oh yes I did. I didn’t assault her this week because I was already realizing I’m wrong to assault anyone for not doing things my way. And nemesis? Really?

And don’t even get me started about my job. I have a million ways of doing things that are better or more right than the way they do things. And when they don’t do things my way, I walk around angry and hateful.

I think the whole almost getting run over by a crazy woman in an SUV thing was so the Lord could get my attention. I’m Holy Spirit hearing impaired. He allows stuff. I was getting to the right conclusion on a very round about, painfully slow road.

Today, I abruptly reached the end of the road. Don’t know why? Don’t really care why. I didn’t die. Praise the Lord! Being right is not that important.

Happy Wednesday!

Thankful to link with SDG and Jennifer.

The One About Identity Theft, Anger, And Crashing

Last Friday, I got called into the office to see if I filed for unemployment. Yes. No. I’m not unemployed? Somebody has stolen my identity to get unemployment of all things. Um. Hello?

How completely aggravating. I’m still reporting the crime to various agencies. And of course, being the optimist I am, I’ve been in a menacingly foul mood ever since. These incidents always send me back into my default mode of anger.

The anger leads to bitterness. The bitterness leads to meanness. Pretty soon I’m just outright hating on others, picking up rocks to stone them in that horrible way of self-righteousness that leads to a crash.

The anger always leads to self destruction. I am my own worst enemy. I hate the anger. I hate what I let it do to me.

I end up being mean and snarky to co-workers. I end up being hypercritical of the management. I end up feeling entitled to getting my way when I want it, imagining stomping my feet like a child, overreacting to the smallest requests. And then I get even angrier when the management rebukes me for my obvious outburst, as if it’s their fault I act like such a fool?

I am such a miserable wretch. I cry and cry to God. I beg him to take it away. I think I’m sincere about giving it to him. But it turns out I’m not because it returns almost as quickly as I give it to him.

On my bike ride this morning I realized instead of hating on the people who are only trying to do their jobs to the best of their abilities, I should be praying for them. It’s much harder to throw stones at people when you are praying for them to be blessed.

In the process of praying for them I didn’t realize the palm frond in the road would turn out to be such a hazard. I ended up half crashing, being flung off the bike onto my feet, working so hard to not actually crash, I ended up pulling something really hard behind my right knee.

But hey. I learned some valuable lessons. Someone might be able to steal my legal identity and inconvenience me, but no one can ever steal my identity in Christ. Praying for people makes me stop being angry at them for no good reason whatsoever.

I am so thankful God doesn’t dish out punishment the way I always want to dish it out.

And now I am going to reboot my hard drive and try again.

Thankful to join 3DLessons4Life, #TellHisStory, Three Word Wednesday