Yesterday, my recruiter sent my profile out to a hospital in Arizona. The OR manager called me the same day. Looks like I have a job! All that’s left to do now is finalize the details.
So why am I a nervous wreck? This is the age old question. It comes back to doing anxiety. Why do I keep doing anxiety?
I love adventure. I love exploring. I love seeing new places. I hate planning. I hate thinking about the details. But I also hate being spontaneous. How’s that for a paradox?
So my brain just goes round and round in a whirlwind of thoughts that make my head want to explode! To make matters worse, I have a terrible time reaching outside my head for emotional support. Thankfully, my favorite #1 son coaxed it out of me.
It’s going to be okay. I’m not going alone. I’m not responsible for children. I keep forgetting he’s a grown man with the ability to figure things out too.
So the main thing to do now is praise God! I got a job!
I don’t have anxiety. I do anxiety. This is a profound thought right?
I’m watching a class on YouTube called “Unmasking Anxiety”. It was a class given at a church I used to attend. It’s good. It’s Biblical. It’s helping me reevaluate my thought life.
I think bad thoughts. I think untrue thoughts. I let my thoughts go down all kinds of unhelpful rabbit trails. I let my thoughts race around my head uncontrolled until my brain feels like a hurricane or a tornado. This leads to serious adrenaline rushes that cause physical symptoms that make me feel anxious and depressed.
I want to change. I say it often enough, don’t I? But do I? Do I really?
I’m tired of…
- Feeling angry, sad, negative
- Freaking out over work stuff because I like my job
- Complaining about life, stuff, people, everything
- Bad news in the media
- Gossip shows
Tired. Tired. Tired. Tired of being tired.
So really. It’s time for me to change. Enough is enough. I’m going to learn how to take every thought captive to the obedience of Christ. Learning is good. Change is good. Life is good!
My brain has never worked right. I’ve been struggling with depression, anxiety, and mood swings all my life. I’ve been searching for the cure for what ails me since I’ve been an adult.
I’ve tried everything from drinking my troubles away, to taking every natural remedy I could find, to prescription medication, or a combination of all of these.
The remedies always changed. The combinations always changed. I finally reached a point where I gave up on these things because nothing ever worked the way I wanted it to work.
Then I met Jesus.
The struggle continued. I started searching for remedies again, minus alcohol. The remedies continue to change.
But Jesus stays the same. He is the one constant I run to now. He makes all the difference.
This is day 18 of #Write31Days.
All posts can be found here.