Week 2 of 13 is coming to a close. I confess that on Monday I didn’t know how I was going to make it through the day, let alone 12 more weeks in this place. Why? Conditions. I was definitely NOT living unconditionally. This is why I need to focus on living unconditionally.
I get to work an afternoon shift for this contract. I love working in the afternoon. I don’t have to set an alarm to wake up. I have time to go for a really good walk. I have time to run errands. The traffic isn’t as heavy. So many reasons to like the afternoon shift.
Monday started out okay. I got my insurance sorted. I got my prescriptions sorted. I got my timesheet sorted. I went for a 4 mile walk. Everything was coming up roses.
I got to work with plenty of time to spare so I could get lunch and dinner. Then I jumped into the day and hit a wall. Hard. The first surgeon looked at me with a scowl on her face. It hit me like a ton of garbage. I allowed it to sink me. ⬅️ Did you see it? I ALLOWED IT. Me. There are so many ways to react to someone else. I reacted badly. It affected the rest of the entire shift. I became sadder and more sullen as the day progressed. It wasn’t pretty. I wasn’t light at all. I even texted my #2 to pray for me because “I am hating this so much!”
What was missing? My dependence on the Lord. Unconditional acceptance. Unconditional generosity. I forgot that I am not my own. I forgot that I am here for the glory of God.
I like to blame it on being overtired. I’m sure that played a role, but let’s call it like it really is. I was being a selfish child, demanding my own way. When I didn’t get what i wanted, I had a temper tantrum.
Sin is ugly. The grace of God is beautiful. I am undone. I am also forgiven. Unconditionally. I hope you are too!
‘Look after each other so that none of you fails to receive the grace of God. Watch out that no poisonous root of bitterness grows up to trouble you, corrupting many. ‘ Hebrews 12:15