This week has been a whirlwind of activity. On Saturday, I moved from Georgia to Florida. It was an exhausting day. I was super tired because I spent the previous night hanging out with a dear friend, so I went to sleep way later than usual. But I still got up as early as usual (think 3rd watch of the night). Loading up the car was a heavy physical task. I don’t own much, but what I do own fits into totes and when they are full, they are heavy.
Car loaded, I made my way to visit another dear friend on the way. Then I spent an additional 5.5 hours on the road to my new dwelling place, in the middle of nowhere, Florida. I mean seriously. It was and wasn’t what I was expecting. I found myself reacting in all those ways again, expectation rearing its ugly head.
With only one day of rest spent with my Gville contingent, I got up Monday to head to the new job, no expectations other than to find the way. I spent the day in orientation, feeling only disorientation, worry, and sadness, wondering why I have so much trouble with transition? I really do love traveling. I really do love meeting new people. I should be overjoyed because I’m only 1 hour away from my people. What gives Lord?
Today, I have so many questions running around in my brain. What’s going on with me? Why do I struggle this way every time I move? Why am I focused on what’s gone instead of the adventure that is today, that is yet to be?
The struggle to unconditionally surrender the past is real. I am still in the thick of it. I am still committed to giving it all to Jesus. I trust him. I believe he will help me. I have hope in him.
‘This is what the Lord says: “Stop at the crossroads and look around. Ask for the old, godly way, and walk in it. Travel its path, and you will find rest for your souls… Jeremiah 6:16