It’s a funny thing how people grow up and develop. We all have stuff we’ve been exposed to. We all face tragedy, heartache, and heartbreak. So why does one person fixate on the bad while another latches on to the good?
For some reason I don’t understand to this day, I was one who focused on all the bad. I always saw the glass half empty. I’m guessing I learned this behavior from the adults in my life, who learned it from the adults in their lives.
As years went by, I absorbed all the wrongs done to me. And with every wrong, I built a wall. I built the wall so high that eventually, my heart was nearly impenetrable. There was no more generosity in me. Like the grinch, my heart shrank to the size of a pea. I was so into preserving myself, I had nothing to give to anyone. Not friends. Barely family. Barely my own boys.
The trouble with building the wall was I found myself so lonely I wanted to die.
And then Jesus broke through! Light had found a way into my heart. Love rescued me, is rescuing me.
I’ve been walking with the Lord for 10 years. Every year the wall goes down a little bit more. It’s being pulled down bit by bit. And for the first time in 52 years, I’m learning what it means to live a generous life. Risking the wounds. Risking the heartache that I was so determined to keep myself safe from. And it is good. And there are new friends. And there is life. Abundant life.
“It is well with the man who deals generously and lends; who conducts his affairs with justice.”Psalm 112:5 ESV