“For the whole law is fulfilled in one word: “You shall love your neighbor as yourself.””‭‭Galatians‬ ‭5:14‬ ‭ESV‬‬

Dear God,

Why does life have to be so full of contradictions? Paradoxes? Why does everything down here have to be a two way street? Mutually beneficial? Quid pro quo? I want to be loved, but in order to be loved, I have to love others first, but then I love them and the love is rejected, which makes me feel rejected so I withdraw my love which leads me back to being unloved. And I know I should love others anyway because I can’t be the only one on the planet who deals with this. Right? And if there’s one thing you’ve taught me these last ten years, it’s that I cannot live like a hermit. Even though my flesh screams to live as a hermit. It’s so frustrating to me that I need people. And it’s even more frustrating that I focus on the rejection instead of the acceptance because for every rejection there are ten acceptances. And what do I do with people who say they want to be my friend, but their actions say something different to me? Those are the most troubling of all! I’m so glad you know how to make sense of the things that trouble me Father. I love you!

Love Michelle


2 thoughts on “12.15.15

  1. Micey,
    Life is an expanding paradox. I read something a few years back; it was a quote from one of the early Church Fathers: “I am an end for no man”.
    What it meant was that as meaningful as friendships are and needed {he was speaking on Christian fellowship} only God completes us, since only He truly knows us. I know that as you continue to grow in your understanding and then start to BELIEVE what you learned on how God looks at you, cherishes you, desires, and believes in you, then the complicated, paradoxically, and just plain squirrelly aspect of human relationships will start to sort its self out, slowly, one at a time. There is no text book answers for relationship, there is only the sublime understanding of how God, through His Son and His Spirit, relates to us poor fallen humans, because HE CANT STAY AWAY.
    I hope this helps.
    Praying for you.

    • Thanks Leah. I feel like when I fully understand how much God loves me, I’ll truly be able to dive into human relationship because my source of love is from the Lord, not people so it won’t matter if they hurt me.

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