June_23

Stuff I’m thinking about today :

  • I’m feeling discouraged, defeated, sad, sorrowful, and ashamed.
  • I don’t deserve any of the friends in my life.
  • I let the behavior of my family (particularly my mom) over the weekend get the best of me until I snapped, going on the attack, killing them with my words, taking them down when they didn’t  even realize they were doing anything wrong because they don’t know Jesus the way I know Jesus.
  • I made my brother cry. I am so ashamed. It doesn’t matter I spoke truth. I didn’t speak truth in love. I was a clanging cymbal. I made my 48 year old brother cry.
  • I apologized to everybody before the day ended and they forgave me. I don’t know why they would forgive me?
  • I am the opposite of Jesus.
  • I am so ashamed I don’t know why God would choose to save me?
  • I’m not awesome or special or anyone worthy of knowing even a little bit.
  • I’ve got to stop.
  • Forgiving myself is the single hardest thing to do.
  • I have to treat my family with love, kindness, mercy, and patience.
  • I am the worst sinner I know.
  • Why do I keep forgetting?

Back to work today where I will remain silent in sorrow.

Happy Tuesday?

Advertisements

6 thoughts on “June_23

  1. Michelle- You have an amazing heart. It is so hard to see ourselves the way others see us. You love people deeply and we all make mistakes. Go easy on yourself. I am sorry that you are feeling down. Know there are five people in Texas who think you are amazing! Love you friend.

  2. Some theologians think that Paul’s thorn in the flesh was a person. I can identify with that. It kept him humble and needy and aware of grace and forgiveness because he could not attain perfection. Seems the old shadows are the darkest. Those closest wound the mostest. 🙂 (Bad grammar but it’s kinda catchy.) Maybe there’s still a thorn in the flesh somewhere and someone unintentionally rubs against it and makes you act in reflex? Confess, forgive, pray, repeat. Blessings.

Comments are closed.