The One About The Paradox

There’s an interesting paradox between the things I do and how I feel. 

I am an OR nurse. Have been for 22 years. I love surgery. I love being part of the team that fixes a person’s broken pieces. But the anxiety of my job. I’ve worked with hundreds of surgeons, hundreds of OR people, hundreds of unique yet similar personalities in 22 years. It’s a stressful job. Very very stressful. 

So why do you do it?

Because I’m supposed to. I believe God called me to be a nurse. What other explanation could there be? I don’t do it for money. I don’t do it for security. Although I admit these are benefits. I could get a fun job, but I can’t think of anything else that would be fun. How else could you explain my perseverance?

The opposition I face on a daily basis is all part of the schemes of the enemy to discourage me from my calling. Everyday, I’m faced with two clear choices, get up and run the race I’m called to run or roll over and cower in fear. 

When I came home from Africa 18 months ago, I felt like a failure. I couldn’t see moe than a foot in front of me. I returned to the job I had before I went to Africa. I kept my head down. I focused on what was in front of me. I had no clue what God was doing or what was next. I resigned myself to staying put in Florida. After all, I have friends here, my favorite sons. Florida isn’t so bad to spend the rest of your life really. 

But a year ago, I became restless. I started telling God I didn’t want to be in Florida anymore. I started asking him if I could go somewhere else. But I persevered here. I didn’t want to leave my favorite sons again. My prayer became if they leave, I’ll go with them. Every time I wanted to quit, I said no to myself. I reminded myself I wasn’t moving until they wanted to move. I thought about trips I could plan instead. 

Then 3 months ago, my favorite #1 son had a bad conflict at his job. It meant leaving a job again. I reminded him of his dream to move west. I encouraged him to think about where he would go if he could go. He said what about Phoenix? You always said you would like to live there. 

And just like that, a 27 year old dream came to life! And I swear I could feel the Lord smiling. I could hear his small voice saying Go

Everything is falling into place. It doesn’t matter how nervous or panicky I get. I will persevere because I know God has called me to Arizona. I have no idea who or what is waiting for me there? But I know whatever it is is going to be more than I ever dreamed possible. I am always in the right place at the right time. 

Courage isn’t my ability to do awesome things, go on awesome adventures. Courage is persevering through the fear, not listening to the voices in my head that say I can’t do it. The Lord is my courage. He is always with me. Always. 

Thankful to link up with Lyli today. 

Happy Thursday!