Can I be completely honest with you? I am very uncomfortable receiving all the amazing encouragement I get from the people who read these posts. Why? I am the worst person I know. When you write beautiful comments that say things like “I admire you” or “I was honored to read this”, I want to shout NO! I am no one to admire! I am not worthy of these compliments!
I love the Lord so much yet I continue to be a cynic, a complainer, sarcastic, backbiting. If I could disappear into the wilderness, I would totally do it. I don’t like most of what goes on around me. On a daily basis, I struggle to even participate. If I could be a hermit, I would.
Before Jesus, I didn’t go to church because I was angry at God and I was tired of church people judging me. After Jesus, I don’t go to church often because I don’t like crowds and I’m still tired of church people judging me. I’m tired of trying to make people understand who I am. I was not made for this world with all the fake shiny happy people who inhabit it.
Here is a trustworthy saying that deserves full acceptance: Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners—of whom I am the worst. But for that very reason I was shown mercy so that in me, the worst of sinners, Christ Jesus might display his immense patience as an example for those who would believe in him and receive eternal life. Now to the King eternal, immortal, invisible, the only God, be honor and glory for ever and ever. Amen. (1 Timothy 1:15-17 NIV)
I’m sorry if this post is too much truth for you. I just had to get this off my chest. It was too heavy for me to carry. Please don’t worry. I am filled with the joy of the Lord. He is my strength! He is a very present help! I have no doubt the Lord loves me. He can handle my angst.
I love all of you so much! You have no idea how much! I appreciate each and every ounce of encouragement you give me, I just don’t feel like I deserve any of it. THANK YOU! From the bottom of my heart. THANK YOU!