Weighing in on ‘Grey’ Matters

50 Shades of Grey. Everyone is talking about it. I won’t read it. I won’t watch it.

I don’t even normally comment about these things. What’s my one opinion in a sea of opinions worth anyway?

But this matters to me. I am so against this. I would implore you to stay away from this with all my heart. Why?

Let me tell you a personal story. It’s not pretty. Brace yourself.

When I was 12 years old, I found my dad’s porn stash. Oh, it included all the usual suspects — Playboy, Penthouse. But it also included the seedier, more heinous suspects — Hustler, BDSM rags, x-rated novels. I’m sure he thought he hid them well, like a man hides a gun in a shoe box on the top shelf of a closet. But children are curious little creatures, wanting to pull these weapons of destruction from their hiding spots, to examine them closely, not realizing they’re holding a deadly weapon in their hands.

Now, now Michelle. Should you really be lumping porn in with firearms?

Um, yeah!

Finding that porn stash changed my life almost irrevocably. I was completely fascinated with the twisted ways of the sex acts I was reading about. Those stories awakened a darkness in me I didn’t understand or know how to control. They led me down a path of fantasies I longed to fulfill which led to an extremely, sexually abusive marriage that ended in divorce.

But it didn’t stop there. After the marriage ended, I hopped from bed to bed to bed, addicted to the weird and depraved, never understanding what a truly loving relationship was. Like the old film Looking for Mr Goodbar, I was searching for true love in all the wrong places when I wouldn’t know true love if it walked up to me and screamed “here I am!”

My last relationship ended in 2003, after I obsessively tried to hold onto it for 2 years because I was terrified to let it go. But it was never good. It was empty, meaningless sex. I called him my ‘sex friend.’ We were ‘friends with benefits.’ But who it was benefiting was him, not me.

None of the relationships I’ve had have ever benefited me, save One. I have been celibate these last 12 years now, stayed far away from the opposite sex, the thought of intimacy with a man chills me to the bone because I’ve only ever been hurt by them.

So I beg you, I plead with you, stay away from 50 Shades of Grey. Keep your children away from it. Guard your hearts dear ones. It’s time to stand against the enemy.

I still live with the struggle and temptation of the lewd and lascivious, lust vs love issue. I share this story with you because if my story would help even one person avoid this disastrous trap, then it is worth sharing.I share this story with you because if you have suffered like I have, I want you to know you are not alone. And I share this story to praise God for saving me from this self destruction. The battles may continue, but I know my Redeemer lives! I know He loves me with an everlasting love. He loves me the way I always hoped a man would love me, only better! For this I am deeply thankful.

Sharing with 3DLessons4Life, #TellHisStory

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7 thoughts on “Weighing in on ‘Grey’ Matters

  1. You are right… we do have much in common, Michelle. In the deepest darkest recesses of our memories. Yet we share the most brillian Light to make those dark places redeemed with brilliant love found in no other. Amen. Friend, your story is hopeful, helpful, AND important. Never stop sharing.

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