five minute friday_turn

Just when I thought things couldn’t get worse, life took a dramatic turn.

Was it real? It sure felt real. The cause? Nothing in my circumstances has changed. Life is good. I still have a job. Friends and family are all well. But I started taking one new little pill for anxiety and depression.

Two weeks ago, I began a new medication. Everything was rolling along okay for about a week. All of a sudden I started having hot flashes and a dry mouth. No big deal. Side effects.

Over the weekend, I was feeling blue. No big deal. It takes a couple of weeks for medication to work.

Monday I was jittery. I felt like I had way too much caffeine.

Tuesday I skipped the coffee. I felt like I could climb out of my skin. I was shaky, couldn’t sit still. I barely made it through work.

Wednesday I had the day off. I could barely move for the fear I was losing my mind. Tried riding my bike. No coffee again. Nothing seemed to help except laying perfectly still saying Jesus over and over again.

Thursday was just as bad. Called work to say I couldn’t come in. I had to do something.

All sorts of terrifying things filled my mind. Maybe I’m dying. Maybe I have irreversible brain damage from all these meds I’ve been trying. I’m going to end up indigent, penniless. So many people are counting on me. I’m supposed to go to Texas on Sunday. I called a friend who told me to get to the Emergency Room.

I managed to get over there in one piece. The receptionist took one look at me and new I was not okay. I’m either dying or having the worst panic attack of my entire life! I said.

After all tests came back normal, I received a liter of IV fluids and some Ativan and things took an immediate turn for sanity. This was the most epic, expensive panic attack I’ve ever had!

I’m not sure what’s been going on in my poor brain these last couple of months. But I know Someone who does. So I keep turning my eyes upon Him again and again. And I praise Him and thank Him for keeping me safe under the shadow of His wings.

His… Michelle
Philippians 1:20

Linking with Five Minute Friday.


12 thoughts on “five minute friday_turn

  1. I’m so sorry you had this terrible experience. I’ve had panic attacks in the past and know how frightening they can be although I’ve never had one this bad. I’m glad you’re feeling OK now. My prayers are with you.

  2. I’ve had a few medication odysseys in my life, too. And they are not good. That terrible sense of panic is so unpleasant. The overwhelming paranoia itself is fearsome, let alone the thoughts it brings. Only the Lord can sort it out, and this is what I’m praying for you.

    It also occurs to me that it is the constant turning to Him over and over again, that enables us to fix our eyes on Him as we are called to do.

    Feel better, Michelle.


  3. Wow! This sounds scary! I love the way you keep turning to the LORD, though! He is always available and, as you said, present and understanding of everything that takes place in our lives!
    Thanks for sharing!
    ~Witness of His Mercy~

  4. saw your posting on facebook this morning then read this…wow, what a ride! I’ve never experienced anything like this, our son John did a few years ago while driving. I am glad they had something they could give you that worked that quick. wishing you peace and joy from Iowa. DM

  5. I think women wait too long before they get help – because we think we have to be so tough, have to push through, be strong enough. I’m so glad your friend encouraged you to go to the hospital! So glad you’re o.k. – I think you’re so brave and courageous all mixed with care and concern for others – and it’s a beautiful combination! Praying for you, friend.

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