I don’t know what I was expecting on 8/21 when I went to see a doctor about my anxiety, depression, mood swings. No. That’s not true. I do know what I was expecting. I was expecting a cure. I was expecting to never be anxious, depressed, or moody again.
As usual, my expectations have not been met the way I wanted them to be met.
I am better.
I am not freaking out at work when the normal daily stress of my job hits me hard in the face.
My moods are not shifting from one extreme to the other.
But I am still waking up some days feeling deep melancholy, discouragement, and joylessness.
And I wonder… What is normal?
And why am I so determined to fix this problem of deep sensitivity?
Am I not just looking for heaven in a little pink pill?
Oh God I need you. I keep trying to find a cure for the life you have given me. I keep turning to my own solutions, searching, searching for answers to the questions my brain can’t seem to stop asking. Please quiet my brain Lord. I think way too much. I’m looking at all the things going on in the world through the wrong filter. My filter is broken Lord. Please help me to focus on you. I need you Jesus. I love you Jesus.
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