transformed by renewing my mind_day 9

Speaking of fear and anxiety, I want to allow you into some of the stuff I worry about.

What about the fear that makes me try to fix stuff on my own?

I’m supporting my 23 year old son right now. His financial aid got messed up this semester. I’m worried I’ll run out of cash. I keep trying to talk him into moving home so I can cover the expenses more easily, more safely. But he’s thriving where he is, closer to God than ever before. I just keep staring at the balance in my checking account, fearing it will empty out, waiting for the other shoe to drop. It’s a terrible place to be — the state of under the surface worry.

Or what about the fear of having a bad day at work so I call them up and tell them I won’t make it because I’m sick and avoid going altogether?

I work the lunchtime shift at my job. I’ve been a surgical nurse for almost 22 years. There is nothing more scary to me than getting my lunch assignments, walking up to the room, looking in the window to see chaos on the other side of the glass. When I see chaos, I turn around and walk away, going to the next person on the list, hoping their room is peaceful, maneuvering, manipulating my way around facing my fear. I usually have 2-4 lunch breaks per day. A really bad day is when every single room looks chaotic. Then I’m forced to face my fear head on. The funny thing? I do this all the time and… wait for it… survive unscathed!

The worst part about all the manipulating and maneuvering is sometimes I end up worse off than if I had left well enough alone!

My biggest coping mechanism for fear is to run away, avoid the situation at all cost.

I’m tired of letting fear dictate my actions.

When did I stop trusting God to be with me? When did I stop saying the scriptures I know to keep my focus on Him? I’ve become lazy. There’s no other explanation. Scriptures like

Be strong and courageous. Deuteronomy 31:6

Be strong and very courageous. Joshua 1:7

Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be frightened, and do not be dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go. Joshua 1:9

Be of good courage, and let us be courageous for our people, and for the cities of our God, and may the Lord do what seems good to him. 2 Samuel 10:12

Be strong and courageous. Fear not, do not be dismayed. 1 Chronicles 22:13

But you, take courage! Do not let your hands be weak, for your work shall be rewarded. 2 Chronicles 15:7

There are hundreds of references in the Word to be courageous, fear not, do not fear. God is for us. He is with us always. He never leaves us. I only have to say His name and He is with me!

Oh my God, help me! I have gotten very lazy in my relationship with you. I have forgotten to call on your name. I have taken my eyes off you and redirected my focus on the things that scare me. Please forgive me. I am a man of unclean lips. I have wandered far from your side. Help me Jesus to cling to you! You are my Savior! You are the Shepherd of my heart. Help me return completely! I love you! Amen.

His… Michelle
Philippians 1:20

This is day 9 in the #Write31Days challenge. Also linking with 3DLessons4Life.

All posts can be found here.

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