Is it normal to feel sad about the fact I’ve been alienating people all of my life? I think it is.
Spoke to my sister the other day. She told me that I have been miserable since I came home from Uganda in 2011!
I actually know I’ve been miserable for the last three years. It’s really hard to hear it out loud from other people. Especially because I’ve been trying so hard to be happy.
I’m incredibly sad to hear this truth about myself, my behavior. I’m also determined not to keep making excuses for my behavior.
The time has come, it’s long overdue, that I take full ownership of my behavior, look in the mirror, make a lasting change.
I want to apologize to every single person I know for inflicting my misery on you. I’ve been wrong, critical, judgmental, harsh. There is no excuse for my behavior. But I want you to know that I am finally seeing a doctor, getting long-overdue treatment.
I hope and pray that my behavior hasn’t pushed you away completely. I hope you will forgive me for all the grief and sorrow I’ve caused you. I completely understand if you don’t forgive me.
I do believe God is for me, he will help me overcome this problem. It is by his strength that I am able to examine my heart so closely, by modern medicine sorting out the chemical imbalance, that He can shine light into my darkness.
To those of you who have stuck around, thank you from the bottom of my heart! You are the best example of friendship. I hope to be a friend like that!