For the first time in a long time, I feel as if sanity is finally within my reach.
Hi. My name is Michelle. I struggle with anxiety/depression/mood swings. I’m not entirely convinced I don’t struggle with some personality disorder that I won’t name because I am a new creation in Christ and those kind of labels make a person feel discouraged.
I have struggled with anxiety/depression/mood swings for as long as I can remember which is like 45+ years.
I have been treated off and on since my mid twenties, probably more off than on. Interesting that some of the best years of my life have been while I was receiving treatment, yet I always stopped.
I’ve been off for the last ten years. I gave up on it the last time because it just didn’t seem to work, never mind the fact I also happened to be getting drunk everyday for several years by then, alcohol canceling out any effect of said treatment.
Then I met Jesus. I was just so filled with joy that first year. It outweighed the darkness. But honestly, the darkness never went away, not completely. I just refused to look at it. I pushed it away, just out of reach.
As a new believer, I was convinced I was healed. God healed me of the alcohol addiction overnight. He must have healed me of the anxiety/depression/mood swings overnight too, right?
As time went on, there was less joy. The honeymoon joy of those first days transitioned to the deep, comfortable love of an old married couple, which frankly is even better. It signifies reaching a level of intimacy that brings deep trust, deep faith.
But without the adrenaline producing joy to gloss over the other things? It’s not that the joy is gone, it’s that the other things keep surfacing.
So counseling. So medical treatment. So optimism because I do believe the medicine is working. Joy is back in my reach. God is so good to have invented modern medicine!
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