five minute friday_change

I can’t breathe. Jesus. Jesus. Jesus. I can’t breathe.

Thoughts swirl in my head like a funnel cloud and I can’t grasp anything coherent. Words fly around inside. I reach out my hands and still they slip through my fingers like waves on the shore.

I can’t breathe. Jesus. Jesus. Jesus. I can’t breathe.

Thinking about all the things that need to change to make me feel like I can function feels so out of reach, like a ship on the horizon that when you think you’ve reached it you find it is still impossibly far away.

I can’t breathe. Jesus. Jesus. Jesus. I can’t breathe.

How to make a physician understand the inside of my brain when I can’t articulate the inside of my brain? Yes that’s true. No that’s not true. Sometimes that’s true. Sometimes it’s not true.

I can’t breathe. Jesus. Jesus. Jesus. I can’t breathe.

Change seems impossible today. I want to scream. Make it stop. Please.

His… Michelle

Linking with Kate Motaung 4 five minute friday.

7 thoughts on “five minute friday_change

  1. I feel your pain.
    I have days like this. Whole days. Previously it was whole weeks, so I’m improving (!).
    I always thought people sounded too ‘new worldy’ when they mentioned meditation but it has opened up a whole new world for me. I do 20 minutes in the mornings and 20 minutes in the evenings (I’m still a beginner, probably 3-4 minutes of the 20 is actual ‘connection’) and it has helped me immensely, beyond words. Deepak Choprah and Oprah Winfrey have a free meditation challenge going on at the moment: take a look. I’m sure you’ll get something from giving it a go, even if its just 20 minutes of stillness.

  2. I am praying for you. I am praying that a new and good change will come your way, and the He will carry you safely through. Love and blessings. Thank you for sharing 🙂

  3. wow. this sounds like a desperate situation. It hurts to read because it hurts you. this is very honest, brave, and real. i hope you find some peace today. thank you for your transparency. It reminds me of Psalm 55:6. Its a verse that resonated with my mom as she went through a lot of pain in her twenties and thirties with depression. A cloud that just would not go away. Isn’t it wonderful that God placed David a man of such emotion as an open book of us to commiserate with and learn from? even though we can’t be that ‘dove’ we can soar back to God as we pray moment by moment. some days are like that. minute by minute.

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