thoughts on alone

I think one of the reasons I avoid people is all the drama they create.

I hate the conflict, backbiting, arguing, noisiness of all the drama that takes place around the human race. When people start fighting with each other, I run the other way.

I don’t want to choose sides. I don’t want to participate.

And yet, what’s a girl supposed to do? In a broken world, there is always going to be drama.

I have mostly left Facebook because of said drama. I get enough IRL. I do not need to extend it to internet life as well.

Now I have stopped following a very good Bible study blog because the ladies split up and their backbiting has actually spilled onto their blog with what appears to me to be finger pointing and blame being thrown around. The solution? Delete.

Gah. Sometimes I feel like a deer. My habitat is shrinking on a daily basis. Soon I’ll have no place left to go for peace.

And what about my own drama? As much as I want to tell my story, am I not just adding to the noise? I feel like it doesn’t matter how many disclaimers I add, someone reading is bound to be offended by what I have to say.

There’s a line from the movie “A Few Good Men”. Tom Cruise tells Jack Nicholson he wants the truth. Jack Nicholson shouts, “You want the truth!? You can’t handle the truth!”

And we can’t. Handle the truth. I can’t.

The post I wrote on Saturday said too much. I should have kept it to myself. It was too much truth for me, let alone you.

Letting the Light into my dark heart is scary. I know there is no condemnation from Jesus. But there is condemnation from man. They condemn me. I condemn them.

What’s a girl like me to do when alone feels the safest, yet loneliest place to be?

His… Michelle

Linking with Kelli @Chronicles of Grace.


21 thoughts on “thoughts on alone

  1. What a lovely way to put some very hard realities. People are, indeed, hard. You encouraged me this morning. Thank you for that.

  2. “What’s a girl like me to do when alone feels the safest, yet loneliest place to be?”

    I totally get this! Have often felt that way, myself…sometimes still do…

    I’m learning to lean into Christ…to bask in His companionship…then ask Him to reflect Himself to others through me…

    Thanks for sharing!

  3. “Where two or three are gathered in My name, there I am in their midst.” Jesus said. Also, when “two or three agree & ask in My name, I will answer.” Jesus said. People are messy, the church is messy, we are messy!!! The answer of course, is to get our eyes on Jesus, & not on people. Then we find the strength & agape love to serve others, in the name of Jesus. I am feeling confident with this topic because God just gave me a tremendous blessing yesterday at church where we gather for informal fellowship EVERY SINGLE SUNDAY for at least a couple of hours. God is helping me to understand and experience this AGAPE love that is truly like no other love in the world. This “family”, consisting of a kalidescope (can’t spell that!) of messy individuals is an amazing blessing to each other & it is just a pure gift of God. I just want to encourage you Michelle to seek God’s guidance with faith & confidence to lead you to the right church where you can be blessed by the fellowship & strong agape love! I have been quite the church “hopper” in the past but I am so blessed to have ended up where I am now (for about 5 years now).Persevere! Love & prayers, in Jesus, Cynthia

  4. Thank you, thank you, thank you for speaking my mind and heart for me this morning! Life is messy, people are angry and disrespectful, the church isn’t much better, and here I am just wanting to find good interaction with good people. Your words ring so true for me in respect to social media especially Facebook, online communities that can’t get along, and people who cross my path ILR. My family is one of those that can’t get together without bickering. I don’t go there any more. I quit an online group too because of their issues with one another. And yet, I am supposed to represent my Heavenly Father EVERYWHERE I am. And BTW, love that line from A Few Good Men! Hopped over from Unforced Rhythms to see what you’re about, and I love it!

  5. I am learning this… what is kept in the dark remains under the control of the enemy. But what is brought into the light can be used by God to create something beautiful. This doesn’t necessarily mean that everyone has earned the right to know everything about us. But it does mean that shame will hold you back. Yes, people are messy. And we hurt each other. Because we’re all broken. I pray for you then discernment, where and what to share and with whom. So you learn that there ARE safe places to tell your story and be loved and encouraged. So you can feel to the center of your bones how very much your Jesus loves you!

  6. Micey, I understand how you’re feeling. I wasn’t able to be here on Saturday so I didn’t see your story, but if I was here I would echo Beth’s comment above. I have a messy story, and I think sometimes the weight of that can make us feel so alone. But we’re not alone. I wish I had easy answers, but I know that regardless of what other people say or do you have a right to work through your story and let Jesus shine through it because He did choose you – messy story and all – before you were ever created. I’m speaking words that I very much need to hear from Him right now myself. Hugs to you.

    • I hear you Kim. I just can’t figure out how to say out loud the things I’m ashamed of because I’m so worried about what others will think of me, that in the sharing of some secrets my words will be turned against me like weapons. I know my logic is wrong, just can’t figure out how to make it right.

  7. That tug/pull of wanting to be honest and vulnerable, and yet scared to death of possibly being rejected or criticized for it – yes, I get it. I sometimes fight with myself over my writing on my blog – should I say more, should I keep it in? When I write I find that a lot comes bubbling out – it seems to happen easily. And yet, I want discretion on what I share in Blog Land, for it is indeed out there for EVERYONE to see. All I can say is that I pray hard, and trust the Lord to help me discern. And He’s faithful – there have been many times when He’s literally woken me up in the night with a *hitch* in my spirit about something I’ve written, and I delete it or re-tool it.

    We must pray for wisdom. For we do indeed want to hear the Lord’s leading, and not be subject to ungodly shame or guilt.

    Lord, help Michelle to hear You clearly in these things. Guide her to the words You want to say through her, and give her insight into the writing that will free her soul. Our stories are sometimes so difficult and messy and hard. But we want to use them for Your glory, and to receive Your healing. Help us all, and especially Michelle right now, to learn the path that You would have us walk upon. We ask these things in the strong and precious name of our Savior, Jesus.

    Amen? Amen!


  8. Jesus asked Thomas to touch the wounds in his hands – to feel them – because He wanted them to believe. I think sometimes we have to allow others to see the wounds and tell them how Jesus binds them, heals them. A group of women told me one time that they didn’t want to hear from someone who hadn’t walked their walk. It made me feel sad because we don’t all have to walk the same walk to know pain, to know hurt and confusion – and to share how Jesus changed our story. When you share your story, Micey, your story of what Jesus does with the darkness, that sometimes you still battle the darkness because we aren’t in Eden – but that Jesus pulls us out, shines light in there, scatters the things that hide and torment in the dark. Some people aren’t ready maybe to receive that yet but some are – and some need to hear it – sometimes we need to invite people to look at the wounds we’ve had so that they can believe.

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