communication breakdown

I seriously wish I could figure out how to navigate the world of parenting adult children.

I used to have such open communication with my younger boy. He used to tell me everything. I mean even stuff I didn’t want to know, delicate things a boy should only tell his dad. Sadly, his dad disappeared from his life many years ago. So I was his only go to parent.

I don’t think ours was a healthy relationship. He relied on me for certain things. I relied on him for certain things.

When he moved away to go to school and start his life, we had a major communication breakdown.

Phone calls are no longer fun. All of a sudden the openness is gone, replaced by uncomfortable, awkward silences where I ask are you there?

He tells me he doesn’t like to tell me hard things anymore because I cry. He hates when I cry. I tell him I cry because that’s just the way my brain works.

I tell him I hate telling him hard things because he goes silent. Silence for me = rejection. It’s what my mom used to do. This leads to me harping, nagging, begging for a sign of life, anything to let me know he still loves me despite my massive flaws.

And so it goes. In my mind, it all blows up into a catastrophic mess. Fear of rejection leads me to jump through any hoop put in front of me.

I need to change.

Insanity is doing the same thing over and over, expecting a different outcome. Said by someone.

Had my first counseling session yesterday. Trusting God to make all things new.

His… Michelle

Linking with Lyli @3dlessons4life.


15 thoughts on “communication breakdown

  1. Hey Michelle, thanks for sharing your heart. My daughter is 16 and ever since I went through a really bad depression last year, there has been a disconnect. Celebrate Recovery has really helped me navigate through my relationship issues, and a mediation book by Melody Beattie titled The Language of Letting Go has been so helpful and encouraging. It is based on Codependent No More. Here is a quote that I go back to over and over: “Even if the most important person in your world rejects you, you are still real, and you are still okay.” – Melody Beattie, Codependent No More. Praying for your counseling sessions. I know Jesus is the healer and fixer, but just wanted to share what has helped me. I can imagine how much you must be sending you hugs through cyberspace.

  2. This is such an open post, thank you for sharing it with us. I think there is a beauty in both of you sharing that there is a break in communication and you are now both moving towards getting better about it.

  3. Oh, Michelle….we are ‘neighbors’ at Lyli’s TPT link up this week. I’m taken by the parts of your blog and will be back to read and look more.
    Let me say I hear you on this one….and the counseling decision? Good job. Only good things can come when we bring them to the light.
    But you probably already know that.
    God bless you!

  4. My son is not yet an adult, but I think we have some of the same issues as you and your son. I worry too. I am trying to be more matter-of-fact (way out of my comfort zone!) and find ways to remind him that I expect him to let me know what is going on (but no pressure!). I love your honesty and openness in this post. Praying for you both.

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