So now, those who are in Christ Jesus are not judged guilty.
God, the ultimate Judge, has found me not guilty because I am in Christ.
I find myself apologizing everyday for who I am, who God created me to be. I jump through circus hoops to be who others want me to be instead of just being. I tell myself things like, “If I just smiled more, laughed more, people would like me. If I was quieter, more soft spoken people would like me.” I don’t know how to just be me and be okay with who I am.
I feel like life is a game. But I don’t know the rules. And I don’t want to play the game. And now that I know Jesus, my non-conformist life has been ramped up even more. I don’t fit in. Anywhere. I’m too nice for the world now, won’t play their game of sex, drugs, rock-n-roll. I’m too abrasive for the church world, won’t play their church speak, shiny happy lets pretend everything is sunshine and roses all the time game.
But God says I am not condemned by Him. He loves me just the way I am. He made me a beautiful, paradoxical mix of contradictions that people don’t understand. I need to be okay with that and remember I am not guilty because of Jesus.
Oh Jesus, help me to stop apologizing to people for who I am. Help me to stop qualifying who I am to others. Let them see I am all I am because of your great love for me. Let them realize I am a ~what you see is what you get~ kind of girl. I wear my heart on my sleeve. I don’t play the game of putting on masks. I don’t know how. And most people don’t know how to approach me. Thank you for those who take the time to know me, for the friends who love me as is, who don’t expect me to apologize for being me. Thank you for loving me as is too! Yours is the only love that truly matters! Teach me to be okay! I love you so much God! Amen.
Linking with Jennifer for #TellHisStory.