He is my healer

I’m in the business of surgery. When we perform surgery on a patient, we cut into them to dig out whatever the problem is. Then we close the wound with multiple sutures. A week later, everything on the surface usually looks A-okay. But underneath? There is still healing going on. It can take weeks, months, or even years depending on what the problem was.

I’ve known the Lord now almost 9 years. I think on the surface, I’m looking pretty good to folks these days. I smile more. A lot more. I’m kinder. I’m friendlier. But underneath? There is still healing going on.

For example, I have a terrible fear of love. There’s even a word for it – philophobia. Where did it come from? I gave my heart to 3 men over my life. Each one ripped it out in their own unique ways.

The last time I loved someone deeply was 11 years ago. Before him it was 10 years. Before him it was 11 years.

Oh, there were lots of guys in between those 3 as I desperately searched for love. Those we’re my ‘looking for Mr Goodbar’ years. Those years hurt me deeply too.

Since the last guy, I finally stopped. Jesus rescued me. I am completely loved by Him. But lately, I’ve been thinking it might be nice to be healed of this fear. The kids are grown up. It might be nice to have a real, true love.

I just don’t know if I’m brave enough to do it one more time. The loss is too painful. It’s crippling really.

Anyway, healing is a slow process. But God can do it. I know He can. He’s brought me a long way from old michelle.

His… Michelle

Linking up with Jennifer Dukes Lee for Tell His Story.


2 thoughts on “He is my healer

  1. Michelle,
    Thank you for so bravely sharing your fear…and you are right, deep healing physically and spiritually takes time…but we can always go to God with our desires and pray for greater healing…but then I’ve learned the hard part is waiting as He cuts some more and heals me some more..but all worth it….Praying for you today that God will encourage you as He continues the good work of healing He has already begun…blessings to you…Phil. 1:6

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