I’m in the business of surgery. When we perform surgery on a patient, we cut into them to dig out whatever the problem is. Then we close the wound with multiple sutures. A week later, everything on the surface usually looks A-okay. But underneath? There is still healing going on. It can take weeks, months, or even years depending on what the problem was.
I’ve known the Lord now almost 9 years. I think on the surface, I’m looking pretty good to folks these days. I smile more. A lot more. I’m kinder. I’m friendlier. But underneath? There is still healing going on.
For example, I have a terrible fear of love. There’s even a word for it – philophobia. Where did it come from? I gave my heart to 3 men over my life. Each one ripped it out in their own unique ways.
The last time I loved someone deeply was 11 years ago. Before him it was 10 years. Before him it was 11 years.
Oh, there were lots of guys in between those 3 as I desperately searched for love. Those we’re my ‘looking for Mr Goodbar’ years. Those years hurt me deeply too.
Since the last guy, I finally stopped. Jesus rescued me. I am completely loved by Him. But lately, I’ve been thinking it might be nice to be healed of this fear. The kids are grown up. It might be nice to have a real, true love.
I just don’t know if I’m brave enough to do it one more time. The loss is too painful. It’s crippling really.
Anyway, healing is a slow process. But God can do it. I know He can. He’s brought me a long way from old michelle.
Linking up with Jennifer Dukes Lee for Tell His Story.