this thing called motherhood

Does this motherhood thing ever stop? I’m not talking about the physical aspect. Fact: I gave birth to 2 boys, one in 1985, the other in 1991. I know I’ll always be a mother. But when do I, as a human being, stop trying to control or fix their lives? Does that ever go away? Have I completely surrendered them to the Lord? I think I have. But when they tell me stuff, the wheels in my brain start turning. How will they accomplish that, solve that, fix that?

I suppose what I’m feeling is like phantom limb pain? Phantom limb pain occurs after an individual loses an arm or a leg. Though the limb is gone, the nerves that caused it to feel pain, touch, heat, cold, still exist above the limb that they served. They just become dead ended.

Me and my kids have been separated by adulthood, but when they have problems, my instinct, like so many dead ended nerves, kicks in and I want to solve their problems or fix things.

Thankfully, because of my trust in the Lord, my typical response of worry and anxiety is getting less and less. I know God has a plan. I know He is the one who will lead them and guide them and care for them. I’ve left them in good hands with Him. I only need to sit back now and watch with wonder and awe as He works in their lives. For the little kid to grow as a man after God’s heart. And for the big kid to have his blindness taken away to discover God has been with him from the very beginning.

I pray now for God to help me rest easy about where they’re going, to help me have peace because He is with them.

His… Michelle

Linking up with Naomi @whatjoyismine for Monday’s musings.

Sunrise off the pier by my place. Taken with my iPhone 5c.


4 thoughts on “this thing called motherhood

  1. Oh boy, you have expressed exactly what my heart feels about my adult sons! I loved the image of the phantom limb – that was such a vivid and accurate word picture. It’s hard letting go. Just last night, my youngest called me just to *vent* about some work problems. I felt myself getting more and more nervous. And after I hung up, I could feel the worry making its way into my thoughts.

    I haven’t yet found a way to completely make it stop – but prayer is helping me cope. After all, God loves those boys far more than I do.


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