when I’m weary

The chief motivation behind Paul’s service was not love for others but love for his Lord. If our devotion is to the cause of humanity, we will be quickly defeated and broken hearted, since we will often be confronted with a great deal of ingratitude from other people. But if we are motivated by our love for God, no amount of ingratitude will be able to hinder us from serving one another. Oswald Chambers

I’m not a people person. Friendship is a long, slow process for me. I don’t like or go to parties. I don’t join events. I don’t like crowds. I don’t go to concerts.

Before I knew Jesus, I could easily say I despised people, especially the ones I liked to call the “shiny happy people”. The band REM had a song and I could totally relate. Shiny happy people everywhere. They made my blood boil. Why? Jealousy. I’ve never been one of them. I’m still not one of them. I don’t understand them and they don’t understand me.

I disliked people so much in the old days. One summer at work I was so fed up with my co workers I stopped talking to them. For three months. I only said what needed to be said. It was a very loud, noticeable silence they felt keenly. They tried so hard to get me to talk to them too. It was very mean and cold hearted. But that’s who I used to be.

Now I know Jesus. I don’t despise people anymore. I’m learning to peacefully exist alongside them. When I say I’m not a people person, they protest. But Michelle! That’s not true. You’re always so friendly. And I tell them it’s all because of Jesus. Compared to 8 years ago, I’m shiny and happy. But compared to the shiny happy people, I’ve barely scratched the surface. It’s not in my nature.

But the Spirit of the Lord compels me. All my friendliness, all my people skills are in obedience to Him. That quote up there says it all more eloquently than I can. I serve people because Jesus says I should. It’s a good thing too because last week a complete stranger called me an a#£h$!3 after stopping to let me pass by on my bicycle. A doctor was extremely rude to me. And I came out last night to find someone had stolen the lights off my bicycle.

Sometimes I just never want to speak to anyone ever again. But then God speaks to me at the right moment and says something wonderful like this morning

13 As for you, brothers, do not grow weary in doing good. 2 Thessalonians 3:13

So I do it for Him. I love Him. Through obedience, He’s leading me out of the land of the dead, inch by inch toward a contentment I’ve always wanted but refused to have because of my cold heart.

This is what I’ve been thinking about.

His… Michelle
Philippians1:20

I’m linking with Lyli @3dlessons4life.

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8 thoughts on “when I’m weary

  1. You are such an inspiration to me Michelle! I love your honesty and how you so effectively express God’s love for us and others through you writings. When I grow up, I want to be like you. I say this with the deepest sincerity.
    Thank you, thank you, thank you for being so real! Love you!

  2. Michelle, I am reading this post, and I am thinking “Michelle is just like Bruce.” (I will be sharing this with him tonight for sure!).

    I love that quote from Oswald Chambers — we need to put that on a big bulletin board in every break room at every ministry.

    Thanks for linking up at Thought-Provoking Thursday! 🙂

  3. Michelle, I can relate to this in many ways, too. I think it’s hard to love people when you yourself haven’t been well loved. I’ve learned this over and over again in my own life. I grew up in an abusive household, so I hated shiny happy people. I thought they were naive and insincere. Now I’m one of those shiny happy people because I know God loves me and He’s done SO MUCH in my life to change me. I know others hate me for it, but I can’t help it. It’s who I am, and I’m glad. I feel so much less turmoil. But it wasn’t an overnight process, because I had a lot of healing to do. And I still struggle so bad to love people who don’t treat me well or are cruel. Oh my goodness, is that hard for me. It stirs up emotions that I hate feeling, because they’re not always out of love. I feel guilty for it, but the quote you shared spurs me on. Thank you for sharing. I hope you know you’re loved!

    • Thank you so much Kim. I find your words both incitefull and encouraging. I have many wounds from childhood and early adulthood that have effected me all my life. It’s definitely a process to figure them all out so I can let them go. But I shall persevere with God’s help.

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