My friend, you have a choice in this matter. Life is too short to be unhappy. Much love
When I first glanced at this comment from Tersia Burger, I didn’t know how to take it? First, I interpreted it as the old snap out of it platitude one gets from a person who has never lived through depression. But this can’t possibly be what Tersia meant. This has been the hardest year of her life. And yet, it is a snap out of it. But it comes from someone who understands, someone who has walked in the shoes of depression.
She’s right, you know? I do have choices. I can choose to stay here and continue to do what God has called me to do. I can choose to go home and serve people back there. Either way, the choice is mine to make. As long as I’m willing to serve the Lord, He will use my gifts wherever I land.
But the right choice? As hard as this transition is turning out to be, I believe I’m where I’m supposed to be, sadness included. I just know if I were to quit now, I’d regret that choice for the rest of my life. I’d get home. I’d still be living on my own without my boys. I’d still be lonely and homesick for them. And I’d be kicking myself for quitting. It would be much worse than this sadness I’m living with now.
In the wise words of the apostle Paul:
Romans 8:26 Likewise the Spirit helps us in our weakness. For we do not know what to pray for as we ought, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groanings too deep for words. 27 And he who searches hearts knows what is the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for the saints according to the will of God. 28 And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose.
So Tersia Burger, THANK YOU! Thank you for the snap out of it. I needed it. Thank you to each and every one of you who said you don’t mind my rambling, who offered words of encouragement, support, and friendship. Thank you for being willing to share the burden.
I wish I could promise to never write another blog post filled with self pity, but I don’t think I can. My brain is a roller coaster of mood swings even on the best of days. Just know how much I hate the self pity train and want to get off. And also know how much I appreciate all of you keeping me straight.
Thanks for all your love, support, and prayers!