The Choice Is Mine

My friend, you have a choice in this matter. Life is too short to be unhappy. Much love

When I first glanced at this comment from Tersia Burger, I didn’t know how to take it? First, I interpreted it as the old snap out of it platitude one gets from a person who has never lived through depression. But this can’t possibly be what Tersia meant. This has been the hardest year of her life. And yet, it is a snap out of it. But it comes from someone who understands, someone who has walked in the shoes of depression.

She’s right, you know? I do have choices. I can choose to stay here and continue to do what God has called me to do. I can choose to go home and serve people back there. Either way, the choice is mine to make. As long as I’m willing to serve the Lord, He will use my gifts wherever I land.

But the right choice? As hard as this transition is turning out to be, I believe I’m where I’m supposed to be, sadness included. I just know if I were to quit now, I’d regret that choice for the rest of my life. I’d get home. I’d still be living on my own without my boys. I’d still be lonely and homesick for them. And I’d be kicking myself for quitting. It would be much worse than this sadness I’m living with now.

In the wise words of the apostle Paul:

Romans 8:26 Likewise the Spirit helps us in our weakness. For we do not know what to pray for as we ought, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groanings too deep for words. 27 And he who searches hearts knows what is the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for the saints according to the will of God. 28 And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose.

So Tersia Burger, THANK YOU! Thank you for the snap out of it. I needed it. Thank you to each and every one of you who said you don’t mind my rambling, who offered words of encouragement, support, and friendship. Thank you for being willing to share the burden.

I wish I could promise to never write another blog post filled with self pity, but I don’t think I can. My brain is a roller coaster of mood swings even on the best of days. Just know how much I hate the self pity train and want to get off. And also know how much I appreciate all of you keeping me straight.

Thanks for all your love, support, and prayers!

His… Michelle
Philippians 1:20

Life is a roller coaster


8 thoughts on “The Choice Is Mine

  1. I love you Michelle! I thank God Tersia Burger wrote those words that penetrated your heart, soul mind & spirit! My mind isn’t as active nor as sharp as yours; but know I enjoy reading your transparent thoughts penned by you! Sometimes I wish I could pinpoint some of my emotions & or the direction God has for me as you express, but don’t give it much thought. I have to believe God has me where He has me, period! My dissatisfaction is I don’t know what my full potential is yet but know its much more than I am aware of! You know what yours are & that is awesome! You are a gifted nurse & a very smart women. Relax that brilliant mind, enjoy your gift & passion while you are there saving, revitalizing lives like not many of us can do nor called to do! Josie

    Sent from my iPhone

  2. Dear Micey
    I am so glad you are doing better, dear friend. Just remember, we never know what cards life will deal out to us, but we always have the freedom to choose where we are going to live; in Jesus or in the world. Please, don’t see it as a pity party: see your sharing as allowing us to help carry your burden. We love you so much and when you suffer, we suffer with you.
    Blessings and love XX

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  4. I admire you so much for this God-Given journey that you are on. I live in Africa and understand the terrible conditions and cases that you are faced with. I also understand the price that we pay for being obedient to God’s will. I resent the fact that my child had to die so I could start a Hospice…I would do anything to change the situation. I hate that you are so sad and homesick. When I commented it was not intended to be a “snap out of it”. I was concerned that you are not at peace with where you are…as I am not at peace where I am, at times. People have romantic notions about your life and life on board a large Miracle Vessel. God will use your gifts where ever you go. Sometimes we must sit and LISTEN to what He is saying. If you are unhappy maybe God is trying to talk to you… Much love and respect. Tersia

    • Hi Tersia. Thank you for your encouragement. I know you didn’t mean your comment as a “snap out of it”. That’s the downside of this form of communication, isn’t it? We can’t see body language or hear a tone of voice. You may not have meant it that way, but I think God meant for me to read it that way, especially considering the year you’ve been having. My “trials” are nothing in comparison. I need an attitude adjustment for sure. I know God is trying to tell me something, just haven’t been ale to hear him.

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