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The word this week is true.
Fair warning: my true is not for the faint of heart. Do not read this if you are squeamish in any way. I am not proud of who I used to be in any shape or form.
Before Christ, the following things were true:
I lost my dad to heart disease when I was 16.
I told God I would never speak to Him again.
I survived spouse abuse.
I gave my older son to my mother for a year because I resented him. He was the only tie I had to the abuser I hated. I resented a 3 year old.
I became very promiscuous.
I had an abortion. I didn’t feel any sadness or remorse. What I did feel was physical pain which led me to decide I would never do that again.
I had another son after. But I refused to marry his father.
I became a drunk.
I hated men so much I decided adultery wouldn’t be a bad thing. This way I could have sex without any fear of attachment.
I was addicted to pornography.
I did things in public that should never be done in public.
I was so lost I didn’t even know how lost I was.
After Christ, the following things are true:
I have been redeemed and forgiven of all my sins.
I am complete in Christ.
I have been justified.
I am now the mom my boys should have had all along.
I still struggle with my feelings toward men.
I still struggle with self loathing
I still struggle with forgiving myself.
I struggle with believing God really loves me.