the monster that is anger

Hi my name is Michelle and I am repressed anger.


Hi Michelle!

Taken from Taming Your Anger by Dick Innes

One of the worst things we can do with our anger is to repress and deny it. Long-term repressed anger turns into hostility and contaminates everything we do.

Hostility shows itself in many ways: a negative, critical attitude, nagging, sarcasm, gossip, resentment, hatred, slamming doors, shouting, taking it out on the children, kicking the cat, aggressive driving, childish “I’m hurt!” crying, rebellion, denial of sex in marriage, deviant behavior (prostitutes, for example, are often angry at their fathers), putting people down, constantly running late, passivity, withdrawal, rage, and even criminality. The list is endless.

I know I’m not the only person on planet earth who is hostile. I know I’m not the only person on planet earth who has repressed anger. And I guess I’m not the only person on planet earth who doesn’t know how to express anger in a healthy way? But how does one do it? Express anger in a healthy way? Is there any healthy way to express anger?

Here’s my problem as far as I can comprehend it. I am more passive than assertive. I don’t think I’m aggressive at all or even passive aggressive for that matter. But being passive, I absorb and absorb and absorb until my head might actually explode. Then when I’m ready to explode, I don’t know what to do!?

I end up displacing this anger on the unassuming masses. This is so bad and so wrong! Here they are, approaching me with a smile, completely unaware of the fact my head is about to explode. Then they are greeted with the look. (To understand what I mean, please see number 1 from my list of peculiar things.)

I’m fairly certain this is also one of the causes of the depression I struggle with.

So the question is, what’s a girl to do?

Well, what does God say about anger?

Proverbs 14:29 Whoever is slow to anger has great understanding, but he who has a hasty temper exalts folly.

Ouch! That hurts. I tend to be quickly angered.

Proverbs 19:11 Good sense makes one slow to anger, and it is his glory to overlook an offense.

Ouch again! I’ve got some serious changing to do.

1Peter 2 1 So put away all malice and all deceit and hypocrisy and envy and all slander. 2 Like newborn infants, long for the pure spiritual milk, that by it you may grow up into salvation— 3 if indeed you have tasted that the Lord is good.

I know I have tasted that the Lord is good!

I know the first step in changing is admitting you have a problem. I definitely have a problem. Now to pray and ask God to help me change. I can see I will need a lot more spiritual counseling regarding this matter as well.

And you dear readers, how do you handle anger? Do you have any wisdom for a girl who wants to change?

His… Michelle
Philippians 1:20


14 thoughts on “the monster that is anger

  1. This is another problem that people like to ignore. It is too painful to think about so we tend to push it way back in our minds so we don’t have to think about it, but it is true that it will come back in many other ways. Like you I am more passive than aggressive. I avoid confrontation like the plague. I have found that I can express myself through writing much better than I can verbally. It is not always wrong to express anger. Jesus certainly expressed anger when he overturned the tables of the money changers and drove them out of the Temple. Anger is one of our God given emotions. I think the only way we can control it is to let God and the Holy Spirit deal with it. They have had a lot of experience. lol

    Wow, there are so many things in this world to make us angry. I think we would be robots if we did not get angry. I’m glad God didn’t make us as robots.

    I hope God will help us all find the answer to this perplexing question. We can just keep praying that He will.


    • Thank you Charlotte! I Know I have a lot of work to do, especially because I thought I’d really let go of this anger. Looks like I’ve been fooling myself. Or I just get easily angered by new things. I don’t know. God is faithful though. I know with His help I can figure this out. 🙂

  2. Yes. There are some good helps on dealing with unrighteous anger and forgiveness through several biblical counseling resources,but maybe the one that would be most helpful to you to start off with might be David Powlison’s Getting to the Heart of Conflict: Anger There are also some good little booklets at that will also handle it from a biblical position not syncretised with Freud.

  3. Also, one of our associate pastors is a fellow with the National Association of Nouthetic Counselors and recently gave a couple of evening sermons on forgiveness: (“Forgiveness: What is it?” and “Understanding and Applying Forgiveness” though the first few minutes of that didn’t record.) and those are available for audio download here – Praying for you! 🙂

  4. My thoughts are that standing up to everyday situations and people (setting boundaries and communicating them clearly) will aid in repressed anger from building up. Personally I don’t like conflict and I find myself experiencing this same I’m going to explode feelings. I’m trying to work on my boundaries and communicating more honestly and I find its helping 🙂

  5. This is something I am still struggling with. I think I handle things that used to make me angry better now than I used to, and I know that it is only with God’s help that I have improved any at all. My grandmother was the most patient woman I ever knew and I was shocked when she told me that she used to have a very bad temper when she was young. She said that she prayed constantly to God to help her overcome her temper and he did. She didn’t say it, but I am sure she had to continue constantly praying to not revert back to her old self.

    • Anger in itself is not sin. There is a perception that Jesus and the apostles were the perfect gentlemen. If you believe that, you are deceived.

      Lead by example……….. Follow the examples set by leaders……… Have a look at this diplomacy………

      Beware of dogs, beware of evil workers, beware of the concision. Philippians 3:2

      12 I wish those agitators would go so far as to castrate themselves! Galatians 5:12

      33 You snakes, you offspring of vipers! How will you escape being condemned to hell? Matthew 23:33

      23 But Jesus turned to Peter and said, ‘Get away from me Satan! You are trying to make me do wrong. You are not thinking the way God thinks, but the way people think.’ Matthew 16:23

      “Jesus kindly requested them to refrain from trading in the temple and he assisted them in relocating their desks to an adjacent building, gave them His business card and invited them to make use of His expertise in truning religion into commerce. He patted them on the shoulder, bade them well and left discreetly”


      • Hi Pieter
        Thank you for your thoughtful comment. I agree with you there is a place for righteous anger, which is what Jesus displays. My anger, however is not righteous. It is hostile and defensive and mean and slanderous. It is the opposite of what Jesus would do. It is the anger of Pharisees. It is the anger that requires dropping my gift at the alter and being reconciled to the one I’m angry with. Not the same thing at all.

        Mark 10:27 Jesus looked at them and said, “With man it is impossible, but not with God. For all things are possible with God.”

        With God’s help, I will change. 😄

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