wysiwyg

I woke up sad today. There is no apparent reason for this sadness. I have struggled with melancholy all my life. It is one of the things about my character I dislike, even hate, a lot. I have no control over my moods. And when the sadness strikes, I can’t hide it. I’ve tried. I’m not an actor. Oh how I pray I were. I HATE being so exposed. I HATE that people I don’t know can see me so clearly. This is a problem I don’t know how to deal with here, living in community. I look around and see other people carrying on, consistently happy. Why can’t I be like them? This is clearly a weight I need to give to the Lord. I just can’t seem to figure out how?

In other news, we had ukulele club on the beach tonight. We went to this awesome place called Chaka Waka. It’s in a caravan like the ones you see at the carnival. We had so much fun and drew a Guinean crowd. Now, playing my ukulele, singing I’ll Fly Away Oh Glory, makes me happy. 🙂

Love… Michelle
Philippians 1:20

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11 thoughts on “wysiwyg

  1. Dear sweet Micey
    What helps when I am very depressed is to tell our
    Pappa about my melancholy. I give my heavy spirit in His hands and ask Him to glorify His name. I don’t feel better per se, but often I feel a sort of peace amongst all the darkness! Hope this helps. Praying for you.
    Mia

  2. Dear Michelle

    Thanks for your honesty. I love people who are transparent and who struggle at times and who can’t hide it even if they tried – because I am just the same. Know that you are loved, not because you can always smile and pretend to be happy, but because you are fearfully and wonderfully made just like Abba wanted you. Sweet dreams. Maryke

    • Thank you Maryke. I don’t know if I’ll ever be comfortable being me. Maybe it’s my thorn? I appreciate your encouragement so much.

  3. I appreciate that you’re keeping it real! If the Mrs and i were on the ship w/ you, i would have you over for a visit and a cup of coffee. I can’t always figure out what’s going on inside me either, and like you I can’t fake anything. too transparent,..DM

  4. Hi Michelle. I am a lot like you. And I could never hide it either. I think sometimes we try too hard to be perfect, and we can’t be. Don’t be so hard on yourself. Just let Jesus love you through it. I love you.

  5. I have also been suffering of late with melancholy…like you, I have a hard time hiding it, but God has impressed upon me that I don’t have to, and neither do you. Sending you big hugs and kisses..and prayers…we are all different and that’s what makes the world go ’round…God loves you just the way you are…and so do I!! xxxooo miss you…

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