I went to work today after wrestling with the strong desire to call out sick. I was still angry from the phone call last night. It took all of the Lord’s strength to get me up and out the door. I felt like Jonah must have felt after God told him to go to Nineveh. Just get me to Tarshish as fast as you can! I ended up having another mostly frustrating day. My second patient was a lovely man with colon cancer. We proceeded to remove a portion of his colon. As the case was in progress, we ran into a bit of a snafu that required emergency back up help. Except that when we said we needed emergency help, nobody came. Nobody. Thankfully, we had enough folks in the room to take care of the emergency. But what a communications breakdown! I’m so tired of this version of the machine. I’ve been doing travel nursing in the USA precisely because of this thing. It happens everywhere. After everything was under control again, I sat in the dark OR (laparoscopic surgery is done mostly in the dark) and said, God, I just don’t want to be here for one more minute. God replied, Who are you here for Michelle? Why are you here? The patients are the only ones who should matter and they need you. Boom! The hammer of God falls on my head. I’m such a stubborn, selfish thing. But God is merciful. He grows a little plant to give me shade when I’m hot. Pray for me, chief of sinners.