why I do what I do…

I read an interesting devotional this morning about motives. What motivates you to do the things you do? The author asks a very important question. Why would Jesus do that?I have been doing some soul searching these last couple of weeks. I don’t like the person I see in the mirror lately. I’ve become complacent in regard to my spiritual health. Life has become routine, which is weird when you consider the great plans God has for me in the coming months. But it’s true.

I was so reminded of my own condition yesterday when I observed the faith of my very first patient. She’s a 29 year old mom of a 2 year old, a 9 month old, and baby due in 8 weeks. She found a mass in her right breast. She was confident the Lord guided her to find the mass. Turns out, it is stage 3 breast cancer. When I met her, she told me this testimony. She was calm as steel. She was thanking God for revealing this to her so she could have it removed. Because of her state of pregnancy, we had to prepare for the worst, standing by to do an emergency c-section in the event something went wrong during the mastectomy. She told me she was confident the baby would not be born yet, that God would see to it. Knowing what she knows, that God is more than able to protect us and keep us, I was in full agreement with her. We were not delivering a baby on this day. She and I were the only two confident of this. Everyone else was nervous and jumpy. Then I witnessed her pray for her surgeon. She and her mom laid hands on him and prayed for him! It was a beautiful thing to witness! Her light was blazing! And I wondered, does my light blaze like that?

As I look at myself in the mirror lately, I see the old me trying to rise up. Especially at work. It’s so hard to be in the world and not be of the world. It’s so easy for me to go back to old patterns, sarcasm, cynicism, gossip, rudeness. I know there is no condemnation in Christ. I know the Lord loves me. I know He understands I am but dust. But I also know that I should work out my salvation with fear and trembling. I know I should judge myself. I’ve gotten lazy. I’ve taken my eyes off the One who gives me life. I’ve gotten self centered.

I’m glad I read that devotion today. It’s made me stop and reflect on why I do what I do. What are my motives in my daily life? Am I promoting me or am I promoting the Lord? I’m amazed how easy it is to get stuck on myself. It takes a lot of effort to focus on the Lord. But I must focus on Him because it’s all about Him!

As I continue to prepare for Africa, I need to remember the trip is not about me. It’s about what the Lord is doing. He has a plan for the people in west Africa. He has people there who belong to His kingdom. They need Him. God’s plan will succeed because He is in control. He asked me to help. How? By promoting Him. By giving Him glory. Fundraising is tricky. It’s so easy to turn it into something all about me. But it’s not about me. It’s about God.

Please pray for me that my motives stay pure. Please pray for me that all I do be for the glory of God alone. Please pray for me to decrease that He may increase.

His… Michelle
Philippians 1:20

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