I’ve been rather irritated for the past bunch of days. I’ve been yelling at other drivers. I’ve been annoyed at work. I’ve been annoyed at the train station. Blah, blah, blah. I don’t like myself much right now. Where’s the love? Where’s the joy? Where’s the peace? I seem to have misplaced all of it.
I’m more than a bit concerned about my bad attitude. In just 102 days, I’m going to be surrounded by people I don’t know. And I’m not going to be alone again until next year! This is going to be so hard for me. I’m an introvert. I can only deal with being around people so many hours a day. God! What am I going to do?!? If I can’t stand myself when I’m like this, how will anybody else stand me? And the minute I run into conflict, my first reaction is to put up a wall because I figure that person just can’t stand to be around me. I mean, seriously! How am I going to do this?!?
At least here, when I’m not fit for humanity, I can shut the world out for awhile and regroup. But what about there?!? I’m not nice enough. Please pray for me because this is seriously going to be the hardest thing I’ve done in years! I’ve become a hermit of sorts. That one person did me wrong all those years ago and this is the result. Walls. High walls with barbed wire AND razor wire for good measure. God help me!