When I applied to be a missionary with PIONEERS almost 2 years ago, I had to fill out 3 psychological profile questionnaires. I’m not kidding when I tell you there were a total of more than 1000 questions between the 3 of them! By the time I was finished filling them out, I was really thinking I am a nut job. I found it a little excruciating too that I had to wait for a few months to get the results of those tests. The biggest thing I learned about my personality is I am an introvert.
[n., adj. in-truh-vurt; v. in-truh-vurt]
–noun1.a shy person.2.Psychology . a person characterized by concern primarily with his or her own thoughts and feelings ( opposed to extrovert).
–verb (used with object)5.to turn inward: to introvert one’s anger.6.Psychology . to direct (the mind, one’s interest, etc.) partly to things within the self.
If a crowded cocktail party feels like a holding cell to you, even as you gamely keep up your end of the chatter, chances are you’re an introvert. Introverts are drained by social encounters and energized by solitary, often creative pursuits. Their disposition is frequently misconstrued as shyness, social phobia or even avoidant personality disorder, but many introverts socialize easily; they just strongly prefer not to. In fact, the self-styled introvert can be more empathic and interpersonally connected than his or her outgoing counterparts. The line between introversion and lonely loners gets blurry, however, as some introverts do wish they could break out of their shell.
The other day, I was wondering when I became an introvert? Was I born this way? Am I a product of my environment? All I know is I have been this way for as long as I can remember. And I can remember things back to the age of 2. But I can also remember cognitively as far back as the age of 5. I have always been this way.
I just wish I had always known this information. I think life would have been slightly less painful.
I think God has an amazing sense of humor that He’s called me to be a missionary when I can only stand to be around people for so many hours a day. He’s pushing me beyond my boundaries to be sure. All the things extroverts find so easy, being friendly, smiling all the time, being social, are a struggle for me. I find it all very draining. Life tends to suck the life out of me.
I find it so ironic that God has chosen me. I am a foolish thing of the world to be sure.