I’ve been really struggling to go to church lately. This has been going on for weeks. I told one of my friends a few weeks ago I am just too mean for church. The greeters are killing me. I get to church and just cringe when I see the greeters with their big smiles waiting to greet me. Why? I literally do everything I can to get around the greeters and sneak into the sanctuary. What’s up with that?
I’m also struggling with the moment when they ask me to greet my neighbor. I just don’t know or understand what’s going on? Truth be told, this has been going on sporadically since the day I became a Christian. But lately, it seems out of control. I’m fine all week long, but when it comes time to get in church, I have to drag myself there. Watch it online? No problem. Show up in the building? Big battle.
I cried through the whole worship today because I felt terrible. I’m surrounded by all these shiny, happy people and I’m angry? I don’t want to be like this. I feel like it’s that old Michelle rising up in me and I don’t know how to beat her into submission. I’m not that person anymore, but lately, she’s trying to rise up.
After the service, I went up for prayer. It’s got to be a spiritual battle. It’s got to be the lies and schemes of the devil. But why do I forget this so easily? I just can’t seem to figure it out. Please pray for me to take my thoughts captive. I need to take my thoughts captive. The enemy has lost the war. I can’t let him win the battle. He’s defeated in Jesus’ name!