questions…

From my missions pastor:

Questions I would like you to answer:

How can I prepare myself to live with so many other people (sharing a
room, eating together,)?

I’m not sure if there’s any full proof way to prepare for living with a crowd. I’ve done my best by sharing living space with friends and strangers alike. I also think my job has been good prep as I work with a bunch of people daily and we dine together in a lounge.
How can I prepare myself not to be in charge of my schedule?

I’ve had a job that isn’t dictated by Monday through Friday rules and I think this has been very good preparation for flexibility. Sometimes you just can’t control stuff.

How can I prepare myself serving in non-medical ways?

This I believe is all mental. Prayer is key. I know the things I like and I know the things I don’t like. I’m sure there will be stuff I don’t like on this trip. I need to pray for patience and more importantly, a humble attitude to do as I’m told, to go the extra mile, to not be a complainer.

How can I prepare myself knowing I will have very little “alone” time to
be with God, Journal, blog etc…

I am prepared to change things up, make a new routine, carve time out of my day to spend with God. It’s going to take discipline and persistence to intentionally seek God out all day long. Over all, I believe fixing my eyes on Jesus all day, everyday is going to be the difference between success and failure. I have to remember the reason I’m going on this trip in the first place, to give God glory, to be His ambassador to people who don’t know Him, to show them the love of Christ and to share with them how awesome our God is by allowing them to see His work in me. While I’m going to be there to fix physical brokenness, I know it’s important to remember that I can’t fix spiritual issues, that will be all God. And I will remember that cultural differences are just that, differences. The American way isn’t the right way, it’s the American way.

I’m so stoked! I can’t wait to see everything the Lord is going to accomplish on this trip! And I get to be a part of it! How cool is that?

His… Michelle
Philippians 1:20

just a little more than 2 weeks… time to retreat…

Well, the starting gate is on the horizon. I’m super excited to get this party started. But I’m also super tired. The last months have been a crazy ride. Fundraising has been super challenging for me. It’s taken me completely out of my comfort zone. I know I come across as a friendly girl in my blog posts, but I’m an introvert to the core. I don’t enjoy socializing much at all. My idea of a nice weekend is to stay inside with a good book or movie. Alone. I work at a job I love, but the amount of energy people require sucks the life out of me. Work is about all the socializing I can go for in a day. What makes all this even harder is wanting people to like me so much I’ll jump through hoops for them. It’s not a good combination.

But then, a couple of weeks ago, God showed me through a sermon how I don’t have to please people and jump through their hoops because I have Him. All of Him. I don’t have to jump through hoops for Him because Jesus did all of that for me, on my behalf. I finally get it! Full on grace! Unconditional love. Suddenly I feel released from chains that were completely killing me. Peace that passes understanding. I am a friend of God. He calls me friend! I am His and He is mine. My best friend!

So now, on the eve of heading out on the next big adventure, I’m making a public retreat. I’m taking 2 weeks to be alone. But first I’m spending Memorial Day with my two favorite children to have a last hoorah until next year. This in itself is going to be hard. I hate leaving them as much as I can’t wait to get to Africa. I’m going to cry a lot. I’m not going to cry in front of you. I don’t expect I’ll disappear from the Internet world completely because it doesn’t invade my privacy too much, unless you count the scary Internet spies. I hope you all understand. Before I became a friend of the Lord, I could count my friends on one hand. Four of those were from my immediate family. I just need space and alone time to gear up for living with 450 strangers from a million different places. Puts a whole new spin on culture shock, don’t you think?

Anyway, watch this space because, boy oh boy, am I gonna have stories for you! I love you all very much! Thanks for being my friends! Thanks for loving me despite my weirdness. You’ll probably get a slightly larger mansion in heaven for having put up with me.

His… Michelle
Philippians 1:20

almost there… 24 days to go…

Dear God,
I can’t believe I haven’t written to you in a week! I love you so much. Thanks God for loving me back. I’m so thankful to have been introduced to your boy Tullian. I swear ever since I met him, I have been filled with peace I haven’t had in 6 years! Not because of anything you did, because I didn’t understand grace. I didn’t understand the fact that I don’t have to jump through hoops to be loved by you. All I have to do is trust Jesus did it all for me. And I’ve always trusted that! So how did I get all the rest wrong? Bad teaching? Bad seems like such a hard word to say. It’s more like misinformed teaching? Or misunderstood teaching. I think misunderstood is the better word. After spending 6 years in church, I really don’t believe it’s the intention of pastors to make people think its Jesus plus something equals everything. I think they don’t get it as much as I didn’t get it. So maybe I’ve been way too hard on people for not being what I believed a “good” Christian should be. Forgive me. We’re all just going along here, doing our best to be the best ambassadors we can be. I was clearly missing out on the definition of grace. It’s a relief knowing I don’t have to go about my day looking for ways to pay you back for this great salvation. I can just be and represent what you love and stay away from what you hate and love others as I meet them. I don’t have to go looking for ways to serve you. I can rest when rest is available. I can work when work is available. I don’t have to go go go. I don’t have to feel guilty for sitting around resting. This is amazing to me. But it’s good I didn’t figure it out all at once. Because it gave me such a zeal to do good things. And I still have that love of doing good for you because of all you’ve done for me. But what a relief to not have to be so driven to do good things, to just let those things come as they may. I think the biggest challenge I still face is believing you’ll provide all I need to pay for what I need to pay for and get by. Why am I still struggling with this? You have never failed to provide for me. If I consider that everything I have is yours and you are sovereign over the whole universe then I should never be afraid you won’t provide for me. I always have what I need when I need it. Somehow. It’s weird. I just never really thought about it too much before. I just worried about it. But look. I’m 49. My kids have always had food, shelter, and clothing. I have always had food, shelter, and clothing. You have always taken care to provide enough to pay rent, utilities, gas, and even extra to spend on fun. You’ve always gone above and beyond. Even when I thought it was me providing, it was all you. You gave me a brain. You gave me good jobs over the years. God I’m tired of worrying about what I’ll eat or drink or wear. I believe! Help my unbelief! I love you so much! Jesus!

This was my prayer this morning. God is good all the time! In 24 days I’m leaving for the greatest adventure of my life to date. I haven’t been working much. I think I’m okay with that. My spirit has already gone to Africa. It’s just waiting for my body to arrive now. A little work would be good now only because I’m bored. God has provided everything I need all my life. I know he will keep providing as long as I live.

Friday night was the last fundraiser. At the end of the night, I counted $235. Amazing! I got to spend Saturday with my favorite number one son doing fun touristy things. When I stopped at the bank to deposit the fundraiser money, the machine said I deposited $275?!? Jesus multiplying the bread and fish?!! I counted that money at least two times!!! I really have no more excuses to hang onto this irrational fear, do I? This was the biggest shout out from God telling me to trust Him!!!

I’m so thankful for all I’ve learned over the last year. God has been more faithful to me than ever! He’s taught me so much about grace, trust, provision, and friendship. I can’t wait for what happens next! I know I can count on all of you to pray for me while I’m away. Pray for everything! Good health, safety, faith, healing, miracles, new friends, joy, and peace.

It’s almost time to go!

His… Michelle
Philippians 1:20

P.S. This is post 1000!